How many times a day do you and I say, “I love my people, but they are driving me crazy”? Like a million. Here’s the deal: I would take a bullet for our girls yet I want to scream when I see their out-of-control rooms. I mean, how hard is it to not throw your clothes on the floor?
The people we love the most can drive us the most crazy.
What is it that drives us crazy about the people we love?
Our frustrations fall into two categories.
1. Their external behavior.
What people do or do not do can drive us up the wall. For me, it’s that our girls cannot pick up after themselves. For you, the frustration may come out when no one turns off the lights when the leave the room. Or perhaps what is unnerving to you is more serious, like someone’s passive-aggressive responses or people who won’t commit to plans.
2. Our internal expectations.
You and I don’t like to think we have expectations of others, but we do and they’re right under the surface. We expect others to value the same things we value (a clean room or planning in advance). We expect others to behave exactly like we do (we communicate directly). Why can’t people just think and act like we do? It would all be so much simpler and happy if everyone else was just like us.
How do we react when the actions of others drive us crazy?
Our behavior is driven by the external behavior of others plus our internal expectations, wiring, and previous experiences with the other person.
Our reactions may look like yelling, isolating, or ignoring.
None of this is pretty and 0% of it builds our relationships with others or conforms us more and more to the image of Christ. So how can we work out our faith in the context of our most intimate relationships?
What does God say about these relationships that are both filled with love and full of frustration?
God is both sovereign and creator of every community, including our family. Let’s keep these truths in mind as we sinners bump up against other sinners:
God convicts in His timing and in His way.
You and I are not the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the Holy Spirit.
Now wait a minute, I didn’t say that we shouldn’t train up our kids to be responsible adults who know how to clean a room and turn off a light. We are commanded and given authority to train up our children.
What I am saying is that when it comes to the people in our life, we must pray and acquiesce to the Holy Spirit. We are to speak when He calls us to speak. We are to be quiet when He asks us to be quiet. God does the heavy lifting of conviction and repentance, and the way He often does that is through kindness (Romans 2:4).
God may ask us to change.
You and I may think that the issue lies 100% with the offending party, but this may not be true. We may have a part to play.
Our hidden expectations must be brought to Christ so we can ask Him if our expectations are reasonable and God-centered. Through the behaviors that drive us crazy, God will give us eyes like He has so we can see what He sees – a flawed person made in His image whom He dearly loves, not as a project to fix or correct. Our responses to the behaviors that drive us crazy must be confessed so we can make an about-face and start fresh.
God says that obedience is up to us and that outcomes are up to Him.
You and I – it’s fair to say – like to be in charge of All The Things, including people’s behaviors, reactions, and next steps.
Our job is as simple and hard as obeying what God asks us to do. The crazy thing is that God even gives us the power to obey!
God’s job is the outcomes. God will convict what needs convicting, and will change hearts that need to be changed. He works all things together for our good and His glory.
God placed the people you love the most (and drive you the craziest) in your life for a reason – to teach us how to bring all things big and small to Him. It’s no accident that certain people who drive you crazy are in your life. You aren’t responsible for changing their hearts, but you are responsible for obeying what He’s told you to do.
So what has God told you to do?
He’s told you to serve, to be patient, gentle, kind, honoring, calm, and to not keep a mental list of all the wrongs committed.
So what do we do next time someone drives us crazy?
The next time someone drives you crazy because of their whining, interrupting, or barely-veiled hints, ask God how He wants you to respond in that moment.
It may surprise you.
God may prompt you to confront the person in love.
He may give you deep questions to ask.
God may tell you to give a hug.
He may remind you to stay quiet and listen.
Have a heart that’s open to what God has to say. He knows that the people He’s placed in your life will drive you up the wall, but He wants you to turn to Him each time they do.
Pin for later
I love this! It’s so true, and I appreciated the encouragement toward humility. I’m pinning this for later!
Carmen – thank you so much! God is so good to give us the encouragement we need each and every minute we need it. -jill
It is true and they actual enjoy annoying you,too.
Sorry, actually…is what I meant.
Hey Jill! Visiting from hope*writers. Oh, this is good, “You and I are not the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the Holy Spirit.” Man, I sure love to be junior God. Over and over He reminds me He doesn’t need my help 🙂
Hello Carmen! hope*writers are good people. Thank you so for stopping by. Thank you for your kind words and keep pointing others back to Christ. -jill
I needed this – thank you.
Eileen – I am so glad that this was a help to you. God is so good to meet us where we are as we are and to provide whatever we need. -jill