Right out of college, I accepted a sales position at the Houston Astros Baseball Club. I felt all the importance and pride of being one of only a few women working in professional sports with a ballpark for an office. My performance-based nature thrived working 60 hours a week to meet sales goals, schmooze clients, and exceed my boss’s expectations. But on the flip side, my stomach hurt everyday because I didn’t understand my competitive, image-conscious self needed boundaries.
In this season, I didn’t understand how God wired me, so I said “yes” to a job that ultimately left me exhausted, unsatisfied, and burned out.
What I experienced isn’t uncommon. In fact, you may feel this way right now.
When you don’t know how you’re wired — when you don’t understand your motivations, passions, dreams, limits, capacity, and temperament — you suffer in three ways.
1. You’re pushed around by unhealthy motivations.
All of us have internal motivators fueling our actions. Depending on your personality type, you may be motivated by security, success, power, admiration, control, or a good reputation.
Your motivations are powered by your beliefs. So if you believe love must be earned, then you’ll serve, not out of an overflow of Christ’s love for you, but to gain love and acceptance from others. If you believe security is equal to having control, you’ll accept leadership positions that may not be for you.
In my life as a Type 3, my motivation is to be loved by all. Because I believe that love is earned and not freely given (I know, I know…), I will accept a position that I believe will make me look good. This is unhealthy and has not served me well.
When you’re unclear about what drives your actions, you’re stuck in unhealthy behavior caused by unhealthy motivation.
Not knowing how you’re wired means that your motivations may not serve you well.
2. You suffer from comparison.
All of us compare ourselves to others at some point. Depending on your personality type, you might compare your experiences, financial security, career trajectory, number of followers, or leadership positions to friends and strangers.
When you don’t know how you’re wired, you’re busy looking around instead of staying in your own lane, mostly because you don’t know which lane is your lane.
In my life, I was busy doing All The Things because I didn’t know what God designed me to do. I filled in this knowledge-gap by keeping up with others. I looked around and saw what other women did, never giving a thought that perhaps I didn’t have the same talents, time, and resources they did. Not once, did I ask God if all the responsibilities and roles I’d piled on myself were meant for me.
When you’re unsure how you’re wired, you copy others in an attempt to measure up. As a result, you waste a lot of time, mental energy, emotional capacity, and the goodwill of your family as you try to win the comparison game.
Not knowing how you’re wired means you’ll waste a lot of energy comparing yourself to others.
3. You’re pressured by “shoulds.”
All of us feel the pressure and power of the word “should.” (Please know I’m not talking about conviction from the Holy Spirit, but a fleshly and unhealthy desire to people-please and keep up.) Depending on your personality type, you may feel like you “should” do everything with excellence, that you “should” serve every time someone asks, and that you “should” push down your goals for the sake of others so you’re not “selfish.”
When you don’t know how you’re wired, you exhaust yourself trying to do everything others say you “should.”
In my life, I was overrun by “shoulds,” which meant my days were overwhelmed with activities. I felt I “should” chaperone the field trip despite my aversion to over-stimulating environments and chaos so… I did. I believed I “should” make every meal from scratch when our children were younger despite the fact that I felt exhausted by 5 p.m. so… the pots and pans came out.
In the absence of a clear plan and boundaries set by a knowledge of self, you accept every “should” as yours to bear.
Not knowing how you’re wired means you’ll consistently feel pressured by “should’s.”
So what happens when you understand how you’re wired?
When you understand your wiring, your motivations become clear, you’re less likely to compare, and you aren’t bothered by “shoulds.” Understanding how God put you together brings your purpose into focus.
You don’t have to chase motivations that won’t satisfy. You don’t have to measure up to an external standard. You don’t have to do everything the world says you “should” do.
These are activities reserved for those who don’t know how they’re wired.
Instead, when you know how God wired you, you are free to live out your God-given purpose, which is to know, love, enjoy and glorify God. Living out your purpose transcends a job, position, title, or role.
When you know how you’re wired, you do the good works God planned in advance for you to do. When people notice your work, they notice the Father Himself (Matthew 5:14–16). And that’s pretty awesome. People see God because you got clear on how He wired you.
When you know who you are, you obey God, and the world gets to see Him.
Knowing who God created you to be will point you on the path to what God planned for you to do. You don’t have to stay stuck in unhealthy motivations, comparison, or “shoulds.”
Are you ready to get unstuck and figure out how you’re wired?
If you’d like to learn more about how you’re wired, here are two resources for you:
- Five Resources to Help You Assess You blog post
- Your Quick Start Guide to the Enneagram ebook by yours truly
Both resources will help you jump right into understanding who God created you to be. Stop being who you’re not. Start being who God designed you to be. Let’s get going!
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