Three Truths Every Mom of Littles Needs to Hear

I’m just going to be a raw and real here: being a mom of littles was not my favorite stage of life. This season was hard for me because I believed that every decision (big or small) would make or break the life, future, and personality of our two daughters. The amount of pressure I put on every decision was immense.

For example, I worried whether my part-time job adversely affected our girls. Should I stay at home? The job wasn’t really necessary. Was I a bad mom because I needed something other than my kids to fill me up? Would they resent me for being away?

I also got anxious about my decision to say “no” to playtime. I just couldn’t play anymore, but didn’t “Good Moms” always play whenever their children wanted? Wouldn’t a better mom say “yes” to every request to play and then add to the excitement by creating a fort, painting faces, or baking a special cake that corresponded with the theme?

Finally, my decisions about our daily schedule were inviolate, and I didn’t know how to course correct when things didn’t go as planned. I felt shame, anger, and a sudden passion to set up boundaries so our routine wouldn’t be messed with.

For me, and maybe for you too, parenting littles was excruciatingly hard primarily because of the internal turmoil I felt trying to make the right, perfect, and “intentional” decision. My parenting philosophy boiled down to performing well, trusting my own strength, and doing it all on my own.

But now that I’ve been a parent for over a decade, I wish I could talk to my younger mama self. So if you’re a second-guesser, over-analyzer, and default-worrier like me, here are three truths for the mama of littles, truths I wish I could tell my former self:

1. You don’t have to white-knuckle motherhood.

You hope that the baby will nap so you can knock five tasks off your to-do list. You subconsciously exert your willpower so the kids will last through the grocery trip because meltdowns are embarrasssing. You plead with God that the kids play quietly upstairs so you can vacuum. The entire time you’re hoping, your stomach is doing flips because Your Plan Has To Work and Your People Must Cooperate. Or else your daily plan, life, and self-esteem may fall apart. And that’s all there is to it.

But sweet friend, white-knuckling doesn’t make hours, days or a childhood go like you plan. And stressing out about All The Things means you miss moments. So how do you do what needs to get done while not feeling low-grade anxiety every minute?

The antidote to white-knuckling motherhood is to bring that consistent worry to God every time it crops up. Any time you feel your pulse race or hear the “what if” loop play in your head, bring that anxiety to God.

Remember that white-knuckling parenting means that you are looking for control because you feel like you have none. But friend, your God is sovereign (Colossians 1:17), He loves you (Romans 8:38–39), and His plans for you are good (Romans 8:28). Keep casting your cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7). God is faithful to hear your cry (Psalm 66:19). He alone offers a peace that all the pleading, hoping, and striving can never give (Isaiah 9:6).

2. The behavior of your children doesn’t reflect your value as a parent.

You hope your child behaves well in public, and as a member of the public, I hope he does too. However, whether your child melts down, says “yes sir,” throws her shoe at someone on the playground, or smiles politely, your child’s behavior doesn’t make you a “Good Mom” or a “Bad Mom.” Your child’s behavior is not a reflection of your worth, value, or fitness as a parent.

Sweet friend, believing your child’s behavior is a direct result of your parenting is not healthy for you or for your child because it either brings pride or shame. So how do you train your child to behave appropriately, but keep your worth from being attached to the decisions of another?

The antidote to believing your children reflect your value as a parent is to believe that Jesus Christ is the only One who determines your value (Colossians 3:12). The attitudes and behavior of your children do not influence who God says you are.

Remember that God’s love for you is unconditional (Jeremiah 31:3). Believing you must be a perfect parent with perfectly-behaved children only sets you up for failure. Be kind to yourself as you figure out what works and what doesn’t. Be kind to your child as he learns and grows by failing and trying again. God is faithful to give you the wisdom you need and the reassurance that His love is never based on your child’s performance (James 1:5).

3. The outcomes aren’t up to you.

You read the parenting books. You implement the best practices. You do All The Things “Good Mom” does, i.e. play pretend, make organic meals, you know, all the stuff you’re not doing. And when you’re really honest, you secretly believe that if you just follow the right combination of parenting principles, your child’s success and future are set.

Sweet friend, the outcomes never have been (and never will be) up to you. But obedience is your choice. So how do you embrace this truth?

The antidote to believing that the outcomes are up to you is to remember that only God is that powerful. Yes, you can and should pour truth, love, hope, and grace into the life of your child. But friend, how your child will “turn out,” who she will become, and what job he pursues are not up to you. Only God is sovereign and omnipotent (Psalm 16:9), and for that, aren’t you grateful? There is nothing you can do to ensure that your child’s future will turn out as you plan, but you can trust God that His plan will prevail (Proverbs 19:21).

Remember that while outcomes are up to God, obedience is your choice. And even in obedience, God gives you the strength, will, and desire to obey (Philippians 4:13). In other words, you don’t even have to obey on your own. Obey what God tells you to do as you parent. Have ears that are inclined to His voice. Soften your heart to be attuned with His. And you get a listening ear and a soft heart when you ask God for them.

Being a mom of littles is hard, but you are not alone.

Sweet friend, God knows you and He knows your children. He has a future and plans – more than you can ask or imagine – mapped out for your entire family.

God is trustworthy so you don’t have to white-knuckle parenthood.

God sets your value so you don’t have to gain it through the behavior of your children.

God is omnipotent so you can trust that your child’s future is secure in the palm of His hand.

Mama of littles, God sees you. He knows your struggles. And He is just crazy about you. Go in grace and peace knowing you are doing a very good job.

Pin for later