In The Restoration Project series, I’m sharing my story of how I’m moving from hurt to restoration. The first piece was naming my hurt, the second piece was feeling fully known, and this is the third and final piece of the series.
Just the other day, the girls and I were baking Christmas cookies, which sounds lovely until you learn that my attitude was more bitter than sweet. The girls were arguing about who was going to do what, and I was aggravated that bedtime would be pushed back because of our late start. This is my parenting: I want flour-on-noses, but instead, it’s frustration and impatience.
My hurt spot is my parenting. I want to be good at it and do it right, but what do I do when I feel like I’m failing time after time?
I remember that restoration comes through the gospel of grace.
The Samaritan woman, who came to the well at noon to avoid the crowds, admitted to Jesus that she’d had five husbands and was currently living with her boyfriend. Jesus’ reaction to this makes me love Him even more. He doesn’t act shocked or repulsed nor does He ridicule or give a five-point plan for life-change.
Jesus talked with her about living water that becomes a well of eternal life. (John 4:13–14) Jesus knew her biggest need and her emotional thirst and all the ways she was trying to satisfy both. He knew that He was the only One who could quench the longings of her heart. So Jesus shared with her His grace-gospel.
I love what she did next: she went into the city to share Jesus with her neighbors. Between avoidance and community was Jesus. His grace had restored her and set her free from sin and shame.
As an Achiever, I have problems with this grace-gospel.
First of all, I believe that there’s no such thing as a free gift. I’ve been to Estee Lauder before, and I know that the “free gift” comes with a $49 purchase. I just can’t believe that God’s free gift is true. I resist grace more than I receive it.
I also believe that I have to earn grace. That somehow Jesus didn’t mean what He said on the cross, “It is finished.” This Achiever prefers a points system: creating my own checklist for goodness and following it.
Finally, I view this gift through the two-sided coin of pride and shame. My pride has me believe that grace is for others and that I should figure out salvation on my own. My shame has me believe that Jesus’ gift is so incredible that it surely can’t be for me.
But the grace-gospel is true. For us. Right now.
God’s word explains grace best, “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” There is nothing that we did to earn salvation or the restoration that comes with it. In fact, we were still at war with God when He came to implement His rescue plan. Timothy Keller explains grace this way, “You are more sinful than you believe and more loved than you will ever know.” These two things are so true of me right now.
If you’re me, you skip too quickly past the first part of Keller’s statement, the part about us being more sinful than we believe. I often view myself as a minor offender when it comes to God’s law. I mean, my intentions are good and I’ve had a really bad day and I’m hungry so my anger, jealousy, and selfishness shouldn’t count against me, right?
But as Larry Crabb writes in Shattered Dreams, grace is discovered when “arrogant people who know they deserve eternal misery tremble before a holy God of passionate wrath.” How much trembling is happening over sin in your life right now? To the extent that we understand the depth of our sin is the the extent to which we appreciate the breadth of grace.
Let us remember as we tremble that Christ died because He loves us so. The underlying reason for His actions is love. Let’s recognize our sin and then accept the love and grace offered by a God who prefers our nearness.
Accepted grace is amazing grace.
Too often, I eschew the grace offered. I revert back to doing more, trying harder, and pulling myself up by my boot straps. But our cookie-baking night was different.
I was convicted of my lack of patience and my unkind tone because the Holy Spirit convicts us of sin. Then He said to me, “I love you, you know. You’re still my girl. And I’m so glad I gave those two to you. Just keep coming to me. You’re not designed to be perfect because that’s My job. Your job is to keep coming to me.”
For once, I didn’t beat myself up about not being perfect or vow to do better. I just received the gift. Grace is grace, even if it isn’t accepted, but how much better is it when it is?
God has extended His grace in your direction. Lay down the hurt you’ve named: the bitterness, shame, or pride. Become fully known by the One who loves you completely. And receive His grace that saves you from your sin and from your do-more, try-hard life. Have you accepted God’s grace for you?
My restoration process has been hard and anything but smooth. Jesus peeled back some layers so He could reveal more of the me He created. He wants to do this for you too because that’s the business He’s in, and He delights to do it because He delights in you.
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