Practical strategies and a mindset shift when you feel like you’re The Worst

I stand in our kitchen and scan the house. Dishes in the sink. A project due for work in two hours. Two girls complaining. Dinner in the oven late. And my text messages are going crazy. I’m behind, disorganized, and overwhelmed. I feel like The Worst mom ever, like I’m failing at doing in the basics of life.

You’ve felt this way too, right?

Maybe you race home from work and realize you have no clean dishes and that you forgot to sign your son’s field trip permission slip… which was today. Or you’ve spent all day caring for a newborn and toddler and see the laundry sitting on the couch, just like it was at 5 a.m. Or you look at your to-do list and realize you’ve only done two tasks and more keep coming in.

Some days we just feel like we’re failing at All The Things. We believe we are The Worst wife, mom, friend, and leader.

Where is all this failure talk coming from and what can we do about it?

Let’s pull back the curtain on what’s driving our extreme thoughts.

What instigates the feeling that we’re The Worst?

We try-hard girls are our harshest critics, and there’s a pattern I’ve noticed as my friends and I talk about being “The Worst.” We typically feel this way when:

(1) We’re tired.

(2) We’re responsible for multiple responsibilities and don’t see an end in sight.

(3) We’re not meeting our own expectations for a clean house, healthy dinner, quality work, getting things done on time, etc.

(4) We’re disconnected from others because of time constraints or the walls we’ve built through flat-out comparison.

(5) We don’t feel supported either because our spouse is out of town or refuses to help, leaving us to do All The Things on our own.

What do we hear when we feel like we’re The Worst?

We try-hard girls have a loud inner critic, which means that we listen to a lot of negative, condemning thoughts. (If you’d like to hear less from your inner critic, go here for a 5-day email challenge.)

We hear phrases like, “You’re the worst at everything – you can’t even put the laundry away.”

Or “You’re so disorganized. If you could just stay on top of it like other moms, your kids would be happier.”

Or “How could you let yourself get this far behind? What have you been doing??!?! You better hurry.”

What can we do when we feel like we’re The Worst?

Let’s shine a light on how to live a more grace-filled, God-centered way instead of labeling ourselves as failures.

How can we align ourselves with the mindset of Christ?

To battle the thoughts that tell us we’re The Worst, let’s ask ourselves a question God asked Adam and Eve after they sinned in the garden and found themselves naked: “Who told you that?”

So try-hard friend, who told you that you had to keep up with expectations? Who told you that frantic busyness is just the way it is or a badge of honor? Who told you that you’re The Worst? Who told you that everything on your to-do list was everything you “should” do to be a Good Mom?

What if we asked God how He thought of us? What if we asked God what He would have us to do today?

It’s true: turning our minds to Christ doesn’t make the dishes wash themselves or the laundry put itself away or the paperwork meet the deadline.

It does something more.

Looking full into the wonderful face of Jesus reminds us that He loves us no matter what we accomplish today, that our worth isn’t based on our productivity, that how we feel about us isn’t the truth about us.

We can do what we need to do from a place of love when we’ve aligned ourselves with the truth that we’re not The Worst, but that He loves us like crazy. And friends, this can make all the difference in how we work and treat our kids.

But in the moment we feel overwhelmed and like we’re failing, what is one next step to take? What practical strategies we can put in place?

How can we PRACTICALLY feel less like we’re The Worst?

Try-hard girls, here are five questions to help you prioritize on those days when you feel like you’re The Worst.

(1) What can only I do? Only you can be the wife to your husband and the mom to your kids. Only you can take a nap to rescue your body from exhaustion. Do what only you can do and ask God to show you what to do next.

(2) What is unnecessary? Of your multiple responsibilities, which one can you let go of? Maybe not this week or next month, but when can you say “no” in a grace-filled, adult way? Create an end in sight for yourself if you don’t see one on the horizon.

(3) What expectations can be lowered? We’ve all got non-negotiables so write those down. Then ask yourself if they’re really non-negotiables or more like preferences. For example, feeding our kids is non-negotiable, but your preference might be that you serve a balanced, homemade meal every single night. Cleaning our house is important, but it doesn’t have to be every week. You’re not giving up or settling. You’re managing the reality you’re living right now.

(4) How can I connect with others? It’s easy to feel comparison or shame when we only see someone’s Instagram feed. What’s one thing you can do this week to connect to the voice or face of another so that you know that you’re not The Worst, but that others are right there with you, cheering you on?

(5) What can I do to get others involved? Your spouse may be out of town or simply unwilling to help. While we can’t change others, we can take charge of what we do. And what we want to do is get ourselves some help. Can the kids help clean up after dinner? Can the neighbor grab milk the next time she runs to the store? Can a friend watch your kids so you can get a nap?

It’s simply not true that you’re The Worst.

It’s so easy to feel like we’re The Worst when we see how much we have to do and how little we’ve gotten done. But just because we feel this way doesn’t make it true.

Let’s shift our mindset to the truth of Christ and ask Him how He sees us so that we can live from a place of rooted strength and suredness. Let’s implement some practical strategies so we can jettison what’s tripping us up so we can focus on what’s the most important.

You’re not The Worst. You’re fully loved.

You’re not failing. You’re God’s favorite.

Now go in grace and peace sweet friend.

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