The Achiever’s Dirty Little Secret

Five weeks after having our youngest, I woke up in the middle of the night to the feeling of an elephant sitting on my chest. I couldn’t breathe, and the chest pressure was excruciating. Being the Aggie that I am, I thought the trouble was wardrobe related. I must be overheating because of my sweatshirt. What I thought was a clothing issue was really a gallbladder problem.

I tell you this story because sometimes our tendency is to seek external solutions for internal problems.

Today, my gallbladder is gone, but I still have an internal problem, or what I call the Achiever’s dirty little secret… I’m a people pleaser.

How People Pleasing Manifests Itself

Achievers are in the business of people pleasing. Here’s how it manifests itself:
• I do things to feel like a part of the group even when they compromise my values.
• I take on too many projects or commitments because saying “no” runs the risk that someone might not like me.
• I put my self-worth in others’ hands. When you don’t include me, when you don’t react like I think you should, when I don’t have the likes, followers, and fans, I feel depressed and less than.

What God Says about People Pleasing

Jesus is talking to a group of bent-on-murder Jewish leaders when He says this in John 5:44, “You like to have praise from each other. But you never try to get the praise that comes from the only God.” Jesus is talking to the people trying to kill Him that they’re a bunch of people-pleasing idiots. Talk about a non-people-pleaser.

Jesus knows our hearts. He knows that we crave inclusion, feeling loved, and knowing that we’re worthy. The problem is this: we look for those things in the wrong places. The only place all those needs can be met is in Jesus Himself.

Until I understand that only God can fill the hole in my heart, I will continue to please people, to covet inclusion, to lust over likes, to surround myself with people who build my self esteem. Internal issues, like those of the heart, respond only to internal answers. Jesus alone changes hearts. Jesus alone soothes our souls. Jesus alone comforts the broken hearted.

So What Can I Do About My Dirty Little Secret?

1. I remember that the devil attacks the worthiness we find in God. Satan can’t snatch me out of my Father’s hand, but he sure loves to poke. When I know that this is his tactic, I say, “Oh, that’s what this is. Go away.”
2. I focus on the purpose that God has given me, which is not to please others but to share His message. Satan loves to distract me from my purpose and have me focus on myself. And again, I say, “No sir, not today you don’t.”
3. I ask for prayer. As long as Moses held his hands up, the Israelites were winning in their battle over the Amalekites. When Moses’s arms got tired, Aaron and Hur held them up. Who are your Aaron and Hur? You’ve got to find your people!

People pleasing is an internal problem that we try to solve with external solutions, and it’s never going to work. If people pleasing is your dirty little secret too, let Jesus heal you from the inside out.