It’s easy to be overcome by the holiday task list. Here are four tips that may not shorten your checklist’s length, but may give you longer vision.
As an Achiever, parent, and Christian, I have read my fair share of parenting books, which extol the virtues of having a family devotional, so naturally, I read one to my kids each morning. This sounds so lovely and sweet, right?
But it doesn’t look like that. My kids ask for more milk or start fighting about who needs the cereal. Then I get frustrated when they “mess up” the right way I’m parenting. These interruptions cause me to scream silently through gritted teeth, Don’t you know that we’re supposed to be learning about Jesus?
My goal is to parent perfectly by doing the right tasks, but sometimes being right is wrong. How? In all my doing right, I forget the people I am doing right for.
Being right is wrong when my version of “rightness” becomes all about me.
I take a little bit from that book here, a little bit from that conference there, a little bit from that sermon here, and I patch together a list of tasks that I should complete to be a good wife/mom/employee/leader.
For example, in parenting, I want to quote Bible verses to them every night, ask a series of thought-provoking questions at dinner, and set an example by serving in the community. These are good things, but they easily go awry when they become less about my kids and more about finding my worth in parenting perfectly.
The way I live, lead, and love becomes about my ego and less about being rooted in love for those around me. I believe that when I do the right thing, or when I take the time to do a devotional with my kids, I am guaranteed the results I want… otherwise, I get irritated. I enjoy the ease and efficiency of checking things off my list without the mess of people getting in my way. I find worth in my productivity and people don’t factor into my measurables. I believe that doing it right means doing it my way without having to submit to the needs of the people around me.
If our hearts our wrong, it doesn’t matter how right we are.
God made this clear in Jesus’ interactions with the Pharisees. In John 5, when Jesus healed the man at the pool of Bethsaida on the Sabbath, the leaders considered breaking rules of more importance than the restoration of a broken person. The Pharisees were trying to do the right thing with the wrong heart, and it wasn’t pleasing to God.
So how do I become more centered on people and the God who created them and less obsessed with doing the “right” things?
For Achievers, tasks often come before people. It’s hard for those who prefer a checklist-life to move away from rules and tasks to focus on people. This is something I struggle with, but here are four things that have helped me. (Oh the irony!!! But don’t think of these things as a to-do list, but more as a new perspective.)
I repent from my view that people are impediments. When I’m trying to get some work done and a person unexpectedly crashes my productivity party, it’s hard to remember that people aren’t impediments, disruptions, or annoyances. So I repent of my skewed view of people and…
I remember that people are eternal. Our souls and God’s word are the only two eternal things. For me, it’s an hourly practice to remember that people are more important than my schedule and agenda. And so…
I repeat “rooted in love” silently. Some may call this a centering prayer, but for me it’s as simple as saying “rooted in love” in my head until the person shifts from my view as a disruptor to one of great value. It’s amazing how saying this phrase softens my demeanor and makes me more willing to listen.
I remember that God never intended for us to get everything right. His intention was always to give us His Son who did all things right because He loved His Father and He loved His people.
May we remember that God didn’t give us a list of tasks to cross off, instead, He gave us a cross to follow.
By the way, I’m not saying don’t have boundaries.
I stuck with my task-over-people orientation for so long because, otherwise, I inaccurately believed that anytime anyone has a need, I should drop whatever I’m doing and run in their direction. And the reality is that some things have to get done, so how do I know when to do a task and when to serve people? I ask God where He needs me expending my energy, and I ask for His wisdom so I don’t feel the unbearable pressure of the “shoulds” in my head.
So when my kids are yelling or spilling cereal during our devotional time, the “right” parent in me wants to scream, Don’t you know you are messing up Jesus time? But the “relationship” parent says that being with them, loving them, and cleaning up the mess is actually the right way to go.