Why summer makes moms feel guilty and how to fix it

I’m always optimistic at the start of summer—it’s a vast sea of possibilities. Picnics, extra screen time, and relaxed evening routines all sound lovely after nine months of structure.

But there’s a darker side of summer…and I’m not talking about the tans. Summer has an uncanny ability to make us feel mom-guilt.

Here’s how mom-guilt plays out in the summer.

Step 1: We aim to be “Summer Mom.”

Summer Mom is our mythical summertime standard of mothering perfection: she loves to spend hours playing Mermaid Barbie, scheduling play dates, and living in the moment. She implements best practices like hosting summer homeschool and no screen time until after 5pm.

Aiming to be Summer Mom sounds great until we fall short, leading us to the next step.

Step 2: We don’t live up to “Summer Mom.”

Summer Mom is awesome in theory, and we really, really, really want to be her, but summer doesn’t guarantee a personality transplant. So when we can’t pull off Summer Mom, we beat ourselves up over it. Between housekeeping, errands, and that little thing called a job, we can’t keep up.

Next thing you know, we don’t feel great about the job we’re doing as moms.

Step 3: We feel guilt and shame.

When we can’t live up to Summer Mom, we swim in the pool of shame. We tell ourselves that a better mom could make these great ideas work. Shame says there’s something wrong with us and that we’re inadequate, so we believe that what we’re doing isn’t good enough and what we’re not doing makes us a bad mom.

But God has something to say about summertime mom-guilt.

Mom-guilt is real. Every summer, our decisions drip with it: Are we spending enough time with our kids? Did we give them Kindle too early in the day? What are we doing to create memories?

When we feel guilty, let’s remember that God uses only gentle conviction—never shame. Jesus disregarded shame on the cross, so shame has no place here.

But sometimes those words ring hollow, don’t they?

We intellectually understand that God doesn’t shame us, but our hearts still feel the sting. We can’t get over how bad we feel about not measuring up to our own ideals, so we stick with shame telling ourselves that’s what we deserve.

What if, instead of marinating in the sadness of not meeting expectations, we ask ourselves God’s questions for Adam and Eve from Genesis 3?

Question 1: Where are you?

When God asks this question, His concern is for Adam and Eve’s state of mind. He wants to know them. God isn’t shaming them with this question, He’s seeking them.

So friend, where are you? What’s stressing you out? Got you worried or discouraged? Bringing you great joy and hope? Basically…What’s really going on in your heart?

I’ve created a worksheet with seven gentle questions you can ask in the presence of Christ to help you determine your heart’s GPS.

Question 2: Who told you that?

When God asks this question, He wants Adam and Eve to pinpoint the source of their shame. He wants to address their emotions. God isn’t berating them, He’s bringing them back to the loving truth.

So friend, who told you what your summer “should” look like or that you must be Summer Mom?

If you feel shame because you’re not providing magical summer experiences, who told you that’s a requirement of motherhood? If you feel like a bad mom because you’re not spending every available moment with your child, who told you that’s what Good Moms do? Ask yourself…Who’s accusing your heart?

Question 3: What have you done?

When God asks this question, He’s looking for Adam and Eve to confess and be honest with Him. He’s not looking to accuse, He’s looking for access to their hearts so they can be in relationship.

So friend, what have you done? Are there areas where God has given you instructions that you’re not following? Is there something in your parenting that God wants to correct and counsel? Does the heaviness you feel lead you to confess to Christ? Ultimately…Are you feeling conviction from God or shame from your enemy because of what you’re doing?

Allow God’s wisdom to help peel back the answers to these three questions. So where do we go from here? What are the next steps for us try-hard girls?

Here’s what to do next:

It’s so easy to be optimistic at the start of summer—it’s a vast sea of possibilities.

But the darker side of summer is real too, and it can bring shame if we let it. Instead, Let’s bring our shame and mom-guilt to Christ by asking Him those three questions and allowing Him to remind us of this truth: “If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything.” (1 John 3:20)

Go in grace and peace, my friends, and enjoy a guilt-free summer.

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