This is Us: an interview with my husband Ryan

For the past two years, you’ve heard about him, seen pictures of him on Instagram, and felt his behind-the-scenes influence on the blog. Well, today, I interview my husband Ryan about three ways spouses can connect on a deeper level, what every husband of a try-hard girl should know, how he makes time for our marriage, and what he thinks you should REALLY know about me. Oh, and he quotes 30 Rock so that’s cool.

Here’s what you should know about Ryan before you dive in: he’s an introvert who’d rather show you than tell you. He is super-cute, wise, kind, and incredibly funny, a side most people don’t ever see. He’s an incredible dad and talented at work. I’m so happy and honored to be his wife.

Ryan, tell the readers how we met.

We were in band in high school together. Hey, what are you typing? I just said that we were in band together. Then I hear, “Click, click, click.” (Air-typing happening here.)

I know, but I want a bit more context.

Ryan played trumpet and I played percussion for the high school marching band. I saw Ryan the first day of summer band practice and thought he was the cutest boy I’d ever seen. It took until our junior year for us to become friends and then we started dating in September 1993, the fall of our senior year.

Okay, I’m done sharing now. Here’s your next question.

What are three ways a wife can connect with her husband on a deeper level?

Being a cheerleader for your husband is huge. I know that y’all (you and the girls) are always in my corner. I never feel like… you know… I deal with all sorts of people, but no matter what, it’s like I’m unconditionally loved. It’s not because I did something, it’s just because you love me. I think a lot of men don’t have that, and then either purposefully or subconsciously, they seek that out elsewhere.

Also, date nights and trips are some of my fondest memories (said in a British accent). Like our trip to Tahoe and the UK or just going to the JW Marriott. Those are good times that I enjoy. It all sounds cheesy I guess, and, yes, I like to stay home, but getting a pizza and a movie is pretty great to me because it’s just about making each other a priority.

And… naked times.

What advice would you give other husbands of try-hard girls?

Always have 17 compliments in your back pocket. Yes. Try-hard people need lots of encouragement and praise so don’t be stingy with it, which is hard for me because that’s not my normal mode, to be like “You tie your skates like a professional skater.” (That’s a 30 Rock reference.)

Try-hard people also want to do everything. So I would tell husbands to be the guardrails to speak up when things get out of whack while also not holding her back or crushing her dreams. I just know you, and I think the biggest thing is that you trust me if I tell you that the idea may need to wait, that I have your best interest at heart that you take it in stride and don’t overreact.

How do you find time to focus on our marriage when there’s so much going on with work, life, school, etc.?

I would say that we’re purposeful, that we put kids to bed, we talk about stuff – and we have an agenda for what to talk about, and then we typically watch TV together. I talk to other people and they don’t do that. They watch separate shows in separate spaces. I’m not just gonna leave you and say “See ya later!”  Whatever we do in the evenings, it’s joint. We just do stuff together.

Try to find something you both like doing together. Maybe it’s not TV for you, but for us it is. And you may have to watch a show you don’t want to watch like The Bachelorette, but maybe you can reconnect over a show you used to like watching together. For us, it’s The Office. That’s always an easy go-to.

And you wanted me to ask this: What do you want other people to know about me?

I want them to know that you plan family photos a year in advance.  That’s a big deal to you, it’s an example of your organizational skills, and it’s just kinda funny.

That you surprise me – like when we went camping in Utah or when you did a 3-day, 60-mile walk – that was hard. “Outdoorsy” is not a word I would use to describe you HOWEVER you somehow seem to enjoy camping, which I really don’t understand.

That you have yearly hospitalizations for random ailments, yet you don’t fit the “medical profile.” That’s just an odd thing.