5 questions to ask when you’re overwhelmed by basic life responsibilities

My calendar is jam-packed. Blergh. I’m not doing anything special—just life. My basic responsibilities shouldn’t be overwhelming, yet, my roles make me anxious.

Why do our calendars and basic life responsibilities feel overwhelming? We’ll start with a few questions.

What’s really going on in our hearts?

Our calendars can get overwhelmed when we feel an over-developed sense of responsibility.

Whether it’s at work, home, or in the community, we feel responsible to make sure every need is met and operate under the assumption that everything will fall apart if we’re not holding it all together.

Why are unmet needs the siren song that sends us crashing into the rocks of anxiety?

For some, “doing” defines value, others simply hate boredom, and others who need to have things done their way.

Understanding the motivation behind our aggressive sense of responsibility helps us pinpoint where it’s been misplaced. The reality is that busyness and too much responsibility point to issues of the heart.

So how do we fix this heart issue?

The key to fixing issues of the heart is found in Luke 10, which is a story I have a visceral reaction to. Yes, I know I’m Martha. And no, I’m not much like Mary. Bah! Enough already!

Martha was just living life when she invited people over. She cleaned the house and prepped some food. This didn’t seem over-the-top—it was simply what needed to be done. But these basic responsibilities sent her into a panic.

What was Jesus’ response when she vocalized her frustration about doing it all on her own?

He calls Martha’s name…twice.
He names and recognizes her feelings: anxious and troubled.
He tells her one thing is necessary, that it’s a good portion, and that it can never be taken away.

So what was the necessary thing, the good portion and forever gift?

Time with Jesus…but you already knew that. In fact, I bet you already have a quiet time. But even with quiet time, we still operate like Martha—anxious and troubled while doing responsible, basic life-stuff.

So in an effort to quit my Martha-martyrdom, I ask these questions during my time with Jesus: What do you have in mind for me today? What do you expect from me?

To be clear, I know that asking Jesus about His expectations sounds well and good until we count our responsibilities.

In our overscheduled calendars, the only thing missing is margin—both for error and for God to move. We want to ask God what He wants us to do. We don’t want to miss His divine appointments. We want to follow where He leads, and yet, we wonder…

What responsibilities do we let go? We’re only doing the bare minimum anyway, and there are things that simply must get done.

So, let’s look at our calendar and responsibilities tactically by asking ourselves these five questions.

1. What can only I do? Only you can be the partner to your spouse and the mom of your kids. Knowing what only we can do gives us boundaries and focus.
2. What is unnecessary? Things like extracurriculars and leading the small group seem so basic, but shockingly, they’re optional. Weeding out what’s unnecessary on our calendars keeps our eyes on the essential.
3. What can be outsourced? We can outsource grocery shopping, carpool, and lunch packing (a.k.a. the kids can do it). Perhaps for a short season, you could outsource house-keeping or lawn care. Knowing what we can outsource reminds us that we’re not responsible for keeping everything together.
4. What can be leveraged? What are we currently doing that can be combined with something else to accomplish two things at once? Jessica Turner from The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You is a master with this. Knowing what we can leverage keeps us from the overwhelm of doing one more thing.
5. What expectations can be lowered? We’ve all got non-negotiables so write those down. But then think through the rest. Can the kids buy lunch a few times or maybe pizza night happens twice a week? Knowing that everything doesn’t have to be excellent frees our hearts from the weight of responsibility.

Our calendars show where we feel a sense of responsibility. Even when we’re filling “basic” roles, it’s easy to get overwhelmed…just ask Martha. But as Jesus reminds us, only one thing is necessary. When we allow Christ to set our priorities and pace, we live in the rhythms of unforced grace.

After you’ve spent time with Jesus and reflected on these questions, adjust your calendar accordingly. In time, you’ll find it full, but not of overwhelm. Instead, it’ll be full of joy because you know you’re doing exactly what Christ has asked of you.

Pin for later