In 2013, Ryan left for a whole month. Work called him away, and I was at home with our two girls, ages 3 and 4 1/2 years, by myself. In hindsight, I see how hard that month was: an extrovert home alone with two littles, a performer who wasn’t able to accomplish much, one parent trying to be two.
At the time, I didn’t recognize my reality as such. Ryan was gone, and that was that—no use crying about it. Life just needed to get done. Looking back, I did a pretty good job, but one major failure did occur during those four weeks.
I failed to acknowledge my reality, which some may call “season of life.” By so ignoring, I became tired, frazzled, and overwhelmed. And that leads me to my question…
What’s your reality?
My reality was days filled with jobs I’d never done before in addition to the daily upkeep of a house and caring for two people who were only slightly sufficient at basic life skills.
You have a reality too.
- Maybe you’re in a caring-for-littles reality, so you’re sleep deprived and chasing a toddler around who’s wearing only a diaper.
- Maybe you’re in a life-change reality because you’re going through a divorce, moving towns, or switching jobs.
- Maybe you’re in a doing-All-The-Things reality, so you work, shuttle kids to school, and check everything off the to-do list.
- Maybe you’re in an empty-nest reality where you’ve retired, and there’s no one at home who needs your constant care.
Take a minute to ask yourself, what is my reality? We all have one, sometimes we just have a hard time recognizing it.
Why do we fail to acknowledge our reality?
We can fail to acknowledge our reality in two ways. We’re either overly optimistic (let’s think positive!), or we’re in denial (let’s avoid the truth!). Whether you’re optimistic or in denial, troubles lie ahead when we don’t accept our reality.
What happens when we don’t accept our reality?
We can suffer from four negative outcomes:
1. We don’t ask for help.
When we don’t accept our reality, we don’t ask for assistance. All those years ago, I didn’t ask for help with my two little people, so I became burnt out, frazzled, and inwardly angry and resentful.
2. We don’t adjust our expectations.
When we don’t accept our reality, we don’t monitor and adjust what we’re doing. I assumed things like the house should be as clean as if Ryan was home helping me. I failed to adapt to my reality, which led to a stressed-out heart.
3. We don’t grow spiritually.
When we don’t accept our reality, we don’t grow in our relationship with Christ. As Brennan Manning writes in The Importance of Being Foolish
, there’s a “close connection between the quest for truth and conversion of the heart.” We won’t encounter the truth of God until we faced the reality of our life.
4. We say “yes” to things not in alignment with our reality.
When we don’t accept things as they are, we try to do All The Things and add to our crowded plate. Being in a hard season is not an excuse to not love and serve others, but how we do that may look different than we thought it would.
Our loving Father doesn’t want us to suffer from these four outcomes.
So what does God say about our reality?
God wants us to understand and accept where we are. In John 8:31-32, Jesus said that if we remain in Him, we’ll know the truth and the truth will set us free. What truth and what freedom is He talking about? When we know the true nature of ourselves, we seek a true Savior and are free from sin and death. We also know the truth of our life and circumstances and are free to ask for help, to accept help, and to serve right where we are.
So how do we accept our reality?
Here are three suggestions to get you started.
- Listen to your emotions, and take them to Christ. When you’re out-of-the-blue angry or find yourself consistently overreacting, listen to what your emotions are telling you, and then, take those to Christ. Feel your feelings, but keep them tethered to Perfect Love.
- Review your calendar. When you’re going through the motions of the day, you fail to see when tasks are added or when rest disappears. You wonder why you feel overwhelmed, but you’re not taking stock of what got you here. What’s been added or deleted from your routine? How does that impact you?
- Plan a break. When you find yourself overwhelmed, get off the front lines of your life. Lean on your community and ask for help. Get a babysitter, even if just for an hour so you can take a nap. Take a week off from your normal routine, I promise that the sticky countertops will still be there.
In 2013, Ryan had been gone for a whole month, and he left two littles at home with an extroverted mama who loves to get the checklist done. In hindsight, I’d love to go back and give myself some advice. Here’s the advice I’d give 2013 Jill and 2018 you:
Give yourself grace, accept your reality, and remember that you don’t have to do it alone.
