You and your spouse are wired differently, which means personality differences come up. How do you navigate and reconcile these differences? What do you do when you can’t get on the same page when it comes to parenting? And what are four super-easy, non-time-consuming habits you can implement today to make for a better marriage?
My husband Ryan and I share tips and healthy habits we’ve picked up over the last 20 years of marriage. We are not experts, marriage counselors, or therapists. We simply share how we’ve navigated our very different personality types over the past two decades. Whether your marriage is healthy and you simply want to grow OR whether your spouse’s personality is driving you up the wall, listen in:
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Ryan and I are Wired Very Differently
Ryan is an Enneagram Type 1 (The Reformer) so he’s very methodical, analytical, and a “best practice” kind of guy while I’m a Type 3 (The Achiever) so I’m more spontaneous, extroverted, and driven by feelings. Unsure of your personality type? Head here first.
If you’d like a deeper understanding of what the Enneagram is, what it isn’t, and what you want to know about your type, grab this free resource. Your Quick Start Guide to the Enneagram walks you through how to determine your type, what’s up with wings, and recommended Enneagram resources.
Personality Differences in Marriage
Learning how to navigate our personality differences has been crucial to us having a healthy marriage. Here’s what we’ve learned over 20+ years together.
Four Tips on How to Accommodate Your Spouse’s Personality
- Don’t assume the skill sets, desires, or motives of your spouse. (Remember how Ryan put me in charge of the check book!)
- Monitor and adjust responsibilities based on the strengths and talents of your spouse.
- Be open to partial solutions. (Think back to our New Year’s Eve @ Noon party.)
- Recognize the strengths and weaknesses of your spouse.
How You Can Reconcile Your Personality Differences as a Couple
- Be patient. Sit and listen. Then go back and discuss.
- Ask good questions.
- Respect that you are two different people so you won’t approach situations and problems the same way.
How to Navigate Big Life Decisions When You + Your Spouse Have Different Personalities
- Help each other out.
- Be humble.
- Listen.
- Be patient.
- Your way is not always the right way or the only way.
- Know what’s important to your spouse.
- Remember you and your spouse are on the same team. The conflict you isn’t with your spouse.
- As a wife, submit to your husband’s final decisions. As a husband, take into account the personality, needs, dreams, and realities of your family.
Personality Differences as You Parent
We have four people in our family and three different personality types (our older daughter and I have extremely similar personality types). Here’s how Ryan and I get on the same page in parenting.
- Always back up your spouse in front of your children.
- Talk to your spouse separately in a kind and gentle way.
- Don’t undercut your spouse in front of your children. (See #1!)
- Pray for wisdom on how to raise your children. No passive-aggressive prayers allowed!
What you should know about how your personality impacts your parenting.
Super-Easy Habits for a Healthier Marriage
You’re ready to keep growing your marriage and to put those personality differences aside. Take these four non-time-consuming habits to heart to strengthen your marriage:
- Implement “Talking Time,” which is just time after the kids are in bed to talk about logistics, administrative issues, dreams, goals, your future, plans for the weekend, whatever! Build this into the routine of your day and start with five minutes of Talking Time.
- Remember that your spouse is wired differently from you purpose.
- Spend time together at night. Don’t spend your evenings separated from each other.
- Read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman to learn your spouse’s love language then act on it!
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