How to stop your obsession with calories, jean size, and pumpkin pie

Team McCormick took our annual Christmas card photos last week. The tradition gives me pictorial proof that our girls are growing up, but it also brings to the surface a belief that I hold about myself, one I’d prefer to let go of that’s stuck in my heart…

It sheds light on the belief that I must always look perfect.

This belief leads me to obsess about calories, jean size, and pumpkin pie. It shakes loose my try-hard tactics to meet goals, and it leaves very little room for Jesus.

As I reflected on this belief more and more, I realized that I worry and obsess about calories, jean size and looking perfect for these five reasons.

1. I crave control. What I eat, how much I eat, and when I eat are areas I can control. And when life feels out-of-control? I eat more than necessary.

2. Weight is a part of my identity. Since junior high, I’ve been the skinny one. It’s my identifying marker. Take that away, and what’s left?

3. I’ve made an idol of food. Food becomes an idol when we think about it too much, and we serve it by consuming too much or unnecessarily abstaining.

4. I’m vain. Blergh. There, I said it. I want to look good, and I want you to think I look good too.

5. I feel pressure to meet expectations. We feel the pressure to look a certain way, so when we don’t measure up, we feel worse about ourselves.

My five worries devolve into disorder because I think in extremes.

My need to look a certain way causes me to go into hyper-drive. Suddenly, I’m wrapped up in unusual strategies to remove chaos: No more carbs! I’ll never eat sugar again! Kale at every meal!

Then my extreme thinking turns obsessive.

Like when my thoughts loop around calorie counts. Am I over or under my daily goal? Should I eat the pumpkin pie? When will I work out, and what’ll happen to my waistline (and that photo shoot) if I don’t? I panic about friends’ requests to eat out and strategize how to keep calorie counts low.

In my worry and obsession about calories, jean size, and pumpkin pie, where is Jesus?

Nowhere.

Not because Jesus has forsaken me, because I’m not allowing Him in.

When my food intake is marked by worry, extremes, and vanity, it’s clear that I’ve ushered Jesus out of this area of my life. The way of Jesus is marked by trust, enough-ness, and moderation.

But friend, I’m training myself to let go of my worry and obsession by understanding, accepting and inviting.

I understand that letting go isn’t linear.

Like the newly freed Israelites, I’ve left captivity yet long for it. Captivity is familiar, and the wide-open spaces of freedom and grace scare me. This, sweet friend, is a part of the process: longing to return to what enslaved you but choosing not to.

This year, I chose not to obsess about family photos, but what does it look like to let go of something that has such a strong grip on you? I’m a try-hard girl, which means I want things done ASAP. However, prying back the fingers of expectations and pride is not a one-time deal, and it’s never linear.

I accept the mystery of what God provides.

God gives the hungry Israelites manna, which means “What is it?” And the same is given to us. I can’t give you my 12-step plan for letting go of calorie counting, jean size, and pumpkin pie issues because it’s a mystery that’s years in the making, but here are some practical ways that I’ve tried:

• Counseling.
• Praying and accepting who God says I am.
• Listening when I want distraction.
• Surrendering when I want to cling tight.
• Unraveling where I’ve placed my value and worth, and placing them rightly in Christ’s hands.

And in all honesty, these things were hard, time-consuming, and they made me cry. Sometimes we must accept the mystery that God works in His timing and in ways we don’t understand.

[If you’d like some extra resources sharing what I learned about obsessive thinking through counseling – in how to think about thinking and a helpful exercise when thoughts run amuck PLUS Jill’s books and podcasts recommendations- click here.]

I invite Christ into my everyday.

The Israelites had a choice everyday in the wilderness to trust, and some days were better than others. This year, I handed over this whole photo shoot thing and said, “God, show me how to do this in a healthy way, a way that’s kind to me.” He has, but this conversation happens every day. When I fall back into old patterns, I bring it to Him.

In my worry and obsession, Jesus is with me.

When I get the images back from our photo shoot, I’ll see how much our girls have grown. But this year, I hope the photo shoot is a victory lap for me in new ways:

That I can let go of the belief that I must always look perfect. That I don’t have to obsess about calories, jean size, and pumpkin pie. That try-hard tactics are useless, but grace, oh grace, is good.

Pin them for later: