In my 20s, I took my first-ever dance class with my friend Jill who loves hip-hop just like me. I was both excited and nervous to sign up because I love dancing, but I lack mad dance skills.

Okay, fine—I lack rhythm in general.

After several weeks, the instructor split us into three groups by skill level to work on a routine, which we performed in front of the class. I muddled through. Let’s just say it was embarrassing. After the routine, the instructor pulled me aside and whispered, “You’re church people aren’t you?” To which I replied, “Yes…yes, I am.”

I’m not a natural at dancing, so I’m not going to waste time to pursue it. But I am a natural at something else: measuring my worth through metrics. Even though this is my natural bent, I need to quit obsessing about numbers. I’m made for so much more. Why waste time pursuing what gives an inaccurate sense of worth?

I love metrics.

Y’all, I hate to admit this, but I am obsessed with numbers. I keep tabs on followers, likes, comments, shares, engagement, reach, and expenditures. Odds are you’ve got your own numbers obsession: the dollars in your bank account, your weight, the number of clients you have or your amount of billable hours.

There’s probably a number in your life that means a great deal to you.

We love metrics because they validate our work, effort and that we know what we’re doing. Achieving our metrics tells us that we can rest. The problem arises when we continue to push the bar higher. That’s when our numbers addiction grows and the rest never comes.

I hate metrics.

That dance class was an activity I enjoyed, but never considered a serious endeavor. However, the metrics activities of checking, comparing, and making charts are what I take quite seriously. But all these metrics just leave me empty.

My love-hate relationship with metrics brings out the worst in me when I’ve given it too high a place in my life.

In real life, this looks like comparing myself to you, getting jealous when your stats are better than mine, and becoming ungrateful for the metrics I do have.

Seriously y’all, my metrics are powerful enough to sway my mood. When I achieve the numbers I want, I’m super happy. When they fail to meet my expectations, I sink.

My metrics take center stage when they only deserve a supporting role.

But I’m learning that my obsession with the numbers reveals something far deeper. As I stare at my blog dashboard, I’m consumed by deeply-ingrained beliefs:

  • I reject the idea that I can be loved just for who I am. I believe that I need numerical data to document my value.
  • I find my identity in what I do, and metrics feed into this identity.
  • I place my value on whatever’s the going rate for success, then I vow to do more of that and do it better.
  • I believe that healthy things grow so, if my numbers aren’t always up and to the right, something is terribly wrong.
  • My satisfaction is based in more…but that more is never enough.

Metrics are too volatile to place my value on them. I need more than metrics.

God created us with a mind, soul, heart, will, and body, so to entangle our worth with only one component—production that leads to metrics—is a terrible mistake.

Is our definition of success – the one that pushes us to “Meet-that-metric!” – aligned with God’s definition of success?

Jesus articulated God’s definition of success when He said that, if we seek God’s kingdom, all we need will be added to us. When we seek God’s kingdom in the way we’re called to live, we’re successful in His eyes.

So what kind of life has God called you to live? Are you faithfully living it? What’s His aim and purpose for you? I may not know your circumstances, but here’s what I know to be true:

  • He desires relationship not production.
  • He’ll never be so harsh as to push you to strive for metrics that hurt your heart.
  • He loves it when all the components of your life, the totality of who you are, enjoy Him.
  • He knows that metrics will never satisfy because only He can do that.

I need to untangle metrics from my self worth.

In my 20s, I felt out of place at hip-hop. In my 40s, I feel out of place putting all my worth in the metrics basket.

I’ll always enjoy metrics, but I will no longer be tangled up in them. To help me do this, I’ve created a simple worksheet, one that helps you move away from metrics and take a more whole-hearted view. I’ve told myself it’s time to let metrics fade away.

It’s time I find my identity in Who I belong to.

It’s time I embrace God’s definition of success.

It’s time to believe that metrics are a piece and not the defining whole.

It’s time that I accept God’s love for me just as I am.

Can I get an “amen?”

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