Another Achiever is Going Rogue! Here’s the story of one of my favorite authors, and a journalism major like yours truly, Jennifer Dukes Lee. Once I read, Love Idol, a book that’s impacted my thinking to this day, I knew you would love her too. She’s on the (in)courage writing team and travels across the USA to speak at women’s retreats and conferences. She and her husband live on the Lee family farm in Iowa where they are raising crops, pigs, and two humans.
How did you move away from performing for your worth and toward receiving grace?
There isn’t a clear before-and after for me. It’s been a general movement in the direction of grace.
I remember distinctly when I started writing Love Idol, a book that really tackled that topic. It was my first book, and I was terrified. I felt all the feelings that every first-time author feels. Namely, “What did I get myself into?” On top of that gigantic insecurity, I battled the internal pressure to perform, get good reviews, please the publisher who signed me, and every other affliction of a chronic approval-sufferer.
I sent a a text to one of my spiritual directors at the time. I wrote, “It is a book about making peace with yourself and with whom God made you to be. The book is for people who crave approval… and who fear that at any moment the world will see what a mess they really are. Funny, because you might think a person should be cured before they write such a book, but even as I write, I find myself in the midst of this battle daily.”
One minute later, my phone beeped with his response,” That is the thing — the cure is the process.”
I continue to believe these words deeply within me, “The cure is the process.”
So that’s a really part of the answer — I’m still in the process of “moving away from performing,” and constantly moving toward receiving grace. Because I’m not fully cured of this fleshly affliction, I have a daily neediness for the healing hand of God. This is the cool thing: I’ve realized that my neediness keeps me very, very close to Jesus. And that’s been the greatest gift to me — that in those moments when I’m tempted to perform, push, and prove, I’m driven back into the arms of Jesus.
What would you say to encourage the woman who isolates herself from feeling her hurt and pain by being busy, by looking for outside recognition, by always trying harder?
First, I would tell her she’s definitely not alone. This is what I’m pretty sure of these days: behind closed doors, a lot of us are still the uncool, unwanted, never-enough kid of our youth. And we’re all weary from trying to prove ourselves with our good performances.
Next, I would ask her to identify the labels she’s wearing, and to find out when she started wearing them. She was probably a kid.
We all wear labels: Unwanted. Overweight. Worthless. Messy. Powerless.
A lot of us have been wearing those labels since we were little girls. Those labels are generally lurking behind all of our performing and proving. When we realize that, we’re tempted to put the “little girl” in time out. We’re tempted to shame her and tell her to “grow up, for heaven’s sake!”
Instead of shaming the little girl, let’s draw her out of the corner, and simply embrace here. The labels that are sticking to little-girl-you? They’re the same ones that stick to adult-you.
God wants to replace the bad labels with good ones: Wanted. Loved. Approved. Cherished. His.
If we’re going to let our whole life be defined by a single word, let’s make sure the word is a good one. Never let a label stick unless it was put there by God.
Right labels will order right priorities.
How has God helped you trust His grace and love for you?
God put a giant sticky note on my heart. It says, “I know how this all turns out. ~ God.”
Well, it wasn’t an ACTUAL sticky note. But you get the point. He knows my default is disbelief. (For years, I was an agnostic.) So trust is an area where God is constantly at work in my heart.
“Active trust.” That’s how I survive.
I actively trust that God redeems all things. Maybe I’ll have to wait all the way until heaven to know just how true that is.
But until then, I have a choice. I choose to trust God anyway. I choose active trust. I trust Him with all that I am, because I believe He is all who He says He is. He hasn’t done all that I wanted, but He has done all that is right. And that is enough for me.
God is whispering to us all, “I know how this all turns out.”
What counsel would you give to the woman who wants to leave behind the life of hustling, efficiency, and busyness for a life of rest and grace?
You don’t have to leave it all behind for rest. In fact, that’s going to be unrealistic. Yes, God’s definitely going to ask you to lay down some stuff, but He also created you to be an efficient, productive woman capable of doing great things.
God hasn’t given us the task of fixing everything, but make no mistake, He’s not calling us to lay limp on the floor either. He’s calling us to do the incredible work of making better what He’s put within our reach. He’s calling us to rise up.
It’s hard to know when to hold tight to what we love and when to let it go. So I pray, “Give us the wisdom today, dear Jesus, to know the difference.”
