It started before my feet even hit the floor. I hit snooze on my alarm and knew my quiet time would be cut short. My brain whispered to my heart: I bet your friends got up early this morning, but look at you… the slacker. I truly believed I was letting Jesus down by sleeping 14 extra minutes.

Do you have an accusing inner critic in your head too? One that gives you a rundown on all the ways you’re not enough? One that says:
* Wow, those jeans are tight—guess you just don’t have self control.
* You should enjoy parenting more. Why can’t you cherish moments with your kids instead of thinking of your to-do list?
* Your client was depending on you, and you completely dropped the ball. Do you have any idea what you’re doing?
* You should be doing more to help and serve. I’m so disappointed.

Our inner critic tells us that we should be perfect and then points out all the ways that we’re falling short.

Many Achievers, or those who lean more on self and less on the God of amazing grace, grew up hearing “Be perfect as I am perfect” and took it to mean that we should do everything 100% amazing with 0% mistakes. However, Jesus’ point was that one day we’ll be complete in Him, and that, right now, we have positional perfection through Him. When we fail to live up to our perfection expectation, “we’re often incredibly callous when relating to our inadequacies and imperfections” writes Kristin Neff in Self-Compassion.

Let’s replace self-criticism with God’s compassionate grace-gospel.

Replace your critical commentator with what is true, lovely, and right.

Virtually everyone is critical of themselves in some area because God wired our brains to be on the look out for the negative/perceived threats. This wiring helped people survive. (a)

Today, our version of a threat is making a mistake or experiencing failure. According to Timothy Keller in Walking with God through Pain and Suffering, when Paul writes to think on lovely things, he doesn’t call the Philippians to think “high and inspirational thoughts in general.” Instead, he encourages them to think of “the specific teachings of the Bible about God, sin, Christ, salvation, the world, human nature, and God’s plan for the world.”

Here are some of my favorites:
* I’m still in process. God’s begun a good work within me, and it’s not done yet. (Philippians 1:6)
* I’m called “very good,” not perfect. (Genesis 1:31)
* My work to prove myself worthy is not needed because His work is finished. (John 19:30)

Replace the harsh words that you think no one hears with the truth that Jesus hears and loves you so.

We tend to be far more critical of ourselves than others because, “there is no social censure when our inner dialogue is harsh or callous, [so] we often talk to ourselves in an especially brutal way.” (Neff)

Yet Jesus wants us to be compassionate to ourselves because that’s what He modeled while He was with us. To seeking Nicodemus, He gave information, not belittlement. To the harlot at the well, Jesus gave living water, not admonishment. To the bleeding woman who touched His garment, Jesus called her daughter instead of calling her out.

The only time Jesus called people names was when He told the Pharisees they were a brood of vipers who were enslaving His people with their belittling, made-up rules. Sound familiar? If you lived in Jesus’ time, I guarantee that He wouldn’t tell you to get it together. He would offer you compassionate grace and a better way.

Replace your condemnation of mistakes with God’s grace.

We believe that when we’ve made mistakes – like eating the whole container of Ben and Jerry’s or yelling at our kids- then we don’t deserve compassionate, encouraging words. For many of us, our muscle memory tells us to beat ourselves up for mistakes.

My solution to sin, and even honest mistakes, is a good old tongue lashing. I’m not blameless because I yelled at my kids/missed the deadline, but here’s the deal — there is no condemnation in Christ. Did you hear that? Zero lectures. No belittling. Not one critique. Conviction, yes, but condemnation? Never. In fact, Romans 2:4 says that it’s His kindness that leads to repentance. Kindness, not scolding.

When Jesus talks with seeking sinners, He never calls them “sinner.” When Jesus-seeking people spent any time with Him, they realized that they were sinners, so He didn’t need to point it out. Nothing is accomplished by punishing myself and everything was finished on the cross.

Replace your desire to protect yourself with God’s protection.

We often criticize ourselves before others can to protect ourselves from their judgment and to receive their sympathy. As Neff says, “A verbal assault doesn’t have quite the same power when it merely repeats what you’ve already said yourself.”

No amount of self-criticism will make us as safe as our Heavenly Father. He is our strong tower, mighty fortress, the wing that protects, the cleft in the rock. He is the one to whom we should run, not our scathing critiques of self.

Achiever-Friends, I pray that our nagging commentator is replaced by the One Voice that tells us truth, that whispers encouragement, and that replaces the old with new. Your feet can hit the floor in the morning knowing that Jesus is the voice you want to hear because His is the one that is the most compassionate, the one without condemnation, the one who protects you from yourself, and the one leads with love… even when you hit snooze.

(a) Emotional Agility by Susan David

Did you enjoy what you read today? If so, subscribe to the blog by entering your email in the box in the top right corner. Already a subscriber? Awesome! Please share this with a friend.

Share
Pin9
9 Shares