Real-life strategies to build friendships even when you’re busy

I wanted the original tagline for the blog, “An Achiever Goes Rogue,” to capture the idea that I was walking away from a life of doing more + trying harder and walking toward a life of grace. However, subconsciously, the phrase put my unwritten worldview into words: I’d rather go it alone. 

Yet God’s way of life is the way of connection not independence.

What God means by “connection.”

Connection, according to God, is unity and harmony (1 Peter 3:8). It brings us shoulder-to-shoulder with our brothers and sisters in Christ so we may stand strong against our enemy (Philippians 4:1). We laugh with those who laugh and mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15). 

Connecting with others is radical because it involves confessing sins, encouraging, loving when it’s hard, sharing when there’s a need, practicing patience, and giving sacrificially. 

It’s intimate, consistent, and way more work than you and I feel comfortable with. 

Grace says friendship and connection are for your good.

God says when your own quiet time is strong and you connect to others in love, you experience the full riches of complete understanding of Christ (Colossians 2:2). You can’t know the joy of salvation unless you have a strong relationship with God and live in connection with others. Your ability to grow spiritually, live out your faith, and be fully known and loved depends upon connection with other Christ-followers.

Drs. Cloud and Townsend write this in Safe People, “The Bible does not separate our relationship with God and our relationship with people in His body. In fact it says that if we do not have good, loving relationships with people, we do not know Him either (1 John 4:20).”

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The truth that if we don’t love visible people, we can’t love an invisible God should scare us a little bit. So inseparable are God and His people that disconnection from others means disconnection from God.  

Wow.

Grace says true connection leads to true faith, which demands that you die to self, including your fears, excuses, and preferences.

Grace says when you connect with God’s people, you show that you take His commands seriously.

Grace says your relationship with God is symbiotically linked with your relationship with people.

So how can you connect? 

Right about now, you’re thinking, “Jill, I have a full-time job, kids involved in extracurriculars, a spouse, and I volunteer at church. When in the world am I supposed to connect? I already feel guilty enough as it is. Ugh. Why am I even reading this?”

Friend, your big God does powerful work. He would not weave connection into your DNA then not give you the capacity to live it out. 

If you want connection, but don’t know where to start, begin with God. 

1. Ask God to grow your desperation for Him and for others. Without a realization of your desperate need for Christ and others, living life on your own seems totally normal. Pray to ache for connection.
2. Ask God for a desire to grow your faith. Your faith grows weak and stagnates when you disconnect. Sister, you want a faith that grows, lives, and is so deeply rooted in Christ nothing can shake it. Don’t settle.
3. Ask God to help you deny the power of fear. You (like me!) may fear taking off your “game face” of fake fine and self-sufficiency. Connection won’t grow when your heart lives in fear. Tell fear it has no place here. 

If you want connection, try one of these four practical strategies.

Y’all these ideas aren’t rocket science, we simply need to do them.

1. Block off time to connect. If you wait for time to connect, it won’t happen. You have to intentionally tell your time where it’s going. This may look like weekly coffee dates or twice-a-month small group. 
2. Join or start a small group or Bible study. Go and engage. Share a prayer request. Open up about what’s going on in your heart. Don’t let fear silence you. 
3. Share one struggle. Find one God-centered friend and share a hurt, temptation, or joy this week. Then ask your friend what’s going on in her heart. 
4. Use technology to your advantage. Pick up the phone. Start a chat on Voxer. Meet up with friends on Marco Polo. Connect on Zoom.

I plan to pursue connection and friendship this year. Are you with me?

Because connection helps me know God, because friendship has transformative power, because I want a real and fiery faith, because I’m tired of living in fear, here’s my Connection Manifesto this year:

1. I will pursue friendship because I no longer view connection as optional.
2. I will ask someone to pray with me, in my presence.
3. I will confess a sin or struggle to a safe, God-centered person.
4. I will not give up, even when it’s hard and I don’t see fruit.
5. I will believe that God means what He says and He says connection is important. 
6. I will value consistency and depth.

Sweet friend, you don’t have to go rogue this year. In fact, God hardwired you to do the opposite. Allow yourself to connect. Adopt this manifesto. Ask God to change your heart, mind and schedule. Connection is worth it, because if you are serious about your commitment to Christ, you must be serious about pursuing connection.

If you adopt this manifesto for yourself, comment below. If you have other ways you’ll connect with others this year, share in that box below. I’d love to know and connect with you.

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