Almost four years ago, I left my role as the children’s pastor at our former church. While I love kids and Jesus and telling kids about Jesus, it was clear it was time for me to walk away from ministry.
In January, I started my role as the communications director at our current church. Working in ministry wasn’t a role I thought I’d be a part of again.
Leaving my previous role was a hard choice: I felt like a failure and that perhaps I was letting God down too. Starting this position was a hard choice also: would this experience be a repeat of the last one? Did God want me to take or decline this job?
So how did I know it was time to walk back into ministry? How do you make an emotion-laden decision?
Here was my process and perhaps it will provide a guide for you:
I prayed. I talked to Jesus and listened to what He said: that the choice was mine. That I was loved no matter what. That I wouldn’t miss a thing whether I accepted or declined the position. That I had full freedom to make whatever choice I wished.
I talked to Ryan. Just like Jesus, Ryan said the choice was mine. That he would support me through it all.
I talked to my counselor. She didn’t tell me what to do, but she gave me space to think about what I feared and hoped.
So I decided to take the position, to take a risk, to try again even though I was scared.
And here’s what I learned through the process:
I learned I don’t want my choices to be dictated by fear, but those fears must be recognized and addressed at the feet of Christ. So what did I fear? I feared being taken advantage of and dismissed. I feared that this new role would take over my life. I feared feeling as deflated as I did before.
And sweet friend, behind every fear, is a lie.
I believed the lie that I’m in this role all by myself, that God isn’t with me. I believed the lie that I can’t make and keep boundaries around my work life. I believed the lie that I find validation and love at work.
I learned that while I prefer to hear very specific instructions from God (or someone!) on what to do, sometimes I’m simply given freedom. I would really like to open the Bible to the book of Jill 5:13 and read, “And when the pastor offers you the communications job, taketh the job. Thus sayeth the Lord.” But that’s not how He works.
He wants us to talk to Him. He wants to heal hurts we don’t even know we hold. He wants to give us freedom. Jesus won’t let you miss out on His plan for you. While we wish our choices were clear, e.g. “God’s will is to take the job,” there’s a joy in knowing that God’s got you covered no matter which path you pick.
I learned that my decision isn’t the end of the story. Once we make our decision, Jesus doesn’t say, “Awesome. So you’re good here?” and then walk off. I’m learning as I go to staff meetings and answer emails, Jesus is right there ready to help me out. He can stretch time, give insight, and show the next right step when we invite Him into the work we do.
Go in grace and peace my friend!
Friend, I don’t know where you are today. I don’t know if you’re feeling deflated, confused, or overwhelmed by a decision. I don’t know if an opportunity you have brings up old fears and emotions you thought you’d put to bed, but continued to simmer beneath the surface.
You’re not in this alone. You, with your unclear thoughts and worry, are held in His mighty hands. He gives you the freedom to make a choice. And maybe trusting Him through the process is just as important as your final decision.
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