Grace says friendship is worth the effort

Every time I watch Lorelai and Rory navigate all the crazy cuteness of Stars Hollow, I think, I want people in my life like that. The townspeople in Gilmore Girls host The Founders Firelight Festival, jitterbug through the 24-Hour Dance-A-Thon, and attend every single town meeting. The Stars Hollow neighborliness looks so appealing.

I want to live with people as my priority.

I want to be available to listen to the hurts of others and to share my own struggles.  

I want my relationships to overrule my sense of responsility to task. 

Connection and friendship aren’t easy.

We don’t live in a TV show. You probably can’t skip work to participate in “The Festival of Living Art.” Not everyone knows your story and babysat you. Your friends probably can’t drop everything to comfort you when life gets hard. In real life, people have jobs, nap/feeding schedules, and after-school commitments. 

You’re not only busy, you also bump up against personality differences. It’s a struggle to find anything to talk about at your Bible study table because you’re wired differently. When chatting over egg casserole seems difficult, how in the world will you find a friend you can call at 2 a.m.?

But sometimes friendship and connection issues are internal: pride prevents you from sharing a struggle, you can’t bring yourself to ask for help, or tapping into your emotions seems like The Worst. 

But grace calls us to friendship and connection even though it’s hard.

Yes, you’re busy. Yes, it’s hard to find someone who gets you. Yes, you’ve got emotions and past experiences making connection tricky. 

And yet God designed you to live life with others.

God wired you for connection because God exists in connection as the trinity of Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

God wired you for connection because the church is how He spreads the gospel.

God wired you for connection because it’s how you live out who you most fully are: gifted to give to others, needy to allow others to use their talents, and dependent to draw you to His other children.

What connection looks like

Connecting with others means confessing your sins, encouraging others, loving when it’s hard, sharing in times of need, practicing patience, and giving sacrificially. Christ-centered connection is intimate, consistent, and standing shoulder-to-shoulder with the church so we may stand strong against our enemy.

Grace gives you the power, time, and desire to connect with others.

Grace comes alongside you to stay connected when your enemy wants you isolated.

Grace understands your humanity and knows hiding seems helpful, but friendship heals.

So Try-Hard Girl, you’ve got a choice to make.

You can choose to connect or disconnect with others, but please be clear about the outcomes of both.

Connection brings hurt and health.

When you form friendships and connections, the risk of hurt, betrayal, and disappointment is high. If you’re a broken and flawed human living with other broken and flawed humans, your heart will ache at some point. 

I am not minimizing the pain and suffering others have caused you. I am maximizing the reality that friendships with God-centered people are worth the effort. 

Friend, when you connect with others, you know God (1 John 4:20). You experience the full riches of Christ, (Colossians 2:2), receive love (John 13:34-35), share  the workload and joy (Ecclesiastes 4:12), and experience healing (1 Peter 4:10). 

When you’re in relationship with people in need of forgiveness, grace, and encouragement, you appreciate the forgiveness, grace, and encouragement God gives you. In isolation, we’re all saints. In community, we’re exposed for the sinners we are. And yet, the more we connect with others, the more we become like Christ. 

And y’all, your circle of influence needs all the Jesus it can get. You have been called for such a time as this. Our world desperately needs you full of Christ, receiving love so you can give love, strong and courageous, and healed and whole. 

It is impossible to be the person God designed you to be, doing the work He preordained for you to do when you are disconnected from others. 

Disconnection brings hurt and more hurt.

When you don’t form friendships and connections, the risk of hurt, betrayal, and disappointment is low, which sounds great in theory. Never get hurt? Awesome. Avoid exclusion? Sign me up.  

The reality of disconnection is that isolation isn’t worth the protection it promises to provide. 

Friend, when you disconnect from others, you’ll become anxious, depressed, and hopeless. When you don’t love others and share your gifts, you never become the person God created you to be. His church suffers because of your absence. You give into temptation without the support and encouragement of others. 

Grace says connection is too important to ignore. 

Friend, you and I don’t live in Stars Hollow. We’ll never go to the Winter Carnival or bump into each other at Doose’s Market. But we can experience friendship and connection in real life. 

We were designed for deep connection with God, with others, and with who we most fully are. There is too much at stake to not give connection a chance.

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