Why failure is not an option for the try-hard girl {Fear Series}

Gene Krantz, flight director for the Apollo 13* mission, tells his team that failure is not an option: they must bring home the three astronauts catapulting through space in a handicapped module. Thank goodness they didn’t fail, and all astronauts came back to earth safely.

Although my circumstances aren’t so life-or-death, I’ve adopted Krantz’s motto about failure. Failure was not an option at 7th grade cheerleader try-outs so I didn’t even attempt. It wasn’t an option for training for a full marathon so I ran a half. Failure was not an option in losing the baby weight so I ate 1,000 calories a day.

For the try-hard girl, failure is simply not an option.

How does the try-hard girl define failure?

Through a very unscientific Facebook poll, try-hard girl responses boiled down to this: Failure means not meeting expectations.

We tell ourselves that we’ve failed when we did what we promised ourselves we wouldn’t do, i.e. drink the Dr Pepper when we promised to cut back.

We believe that we’ve failed others when we didn’t do what we said we would i.e. we said we could drive carpool, but our schedules have changed and now we can’t.

We believe that we’ve failed everybody when our work isn’t up to our standards of excellence, when people have to wait on us, or when we don’t know the answer.

How does failure impact the try-hard girl?

Let’s just say that the impact on our hearts is brutal.

We feel the weight of our failure internally.

When we believe that we’ve “failed,” three reactions happen inside our heads and hearts:

(1) Our inner critic starts spouting off. We tell ourselves that people are judging us, that now we look like an idiot, and we’ve disappointed people again. Shame upon shame rains down.

(2) Our ego tells us to get our act together. We preach to ourselves the gospel of willpower, which says that we just need to do more and try harder. In the aftermath of failure, we tell ourselves, “From now on, I’ll always…” or “I’ll never do that again.”

(3) Our identity feels attacked. We wonder who we are if we can’t meet expectations or if we don’t know all the answers. Who are we really if we aren’t shiny and all-together? Who are we if we can’t even keep the promises we make to ourselves?

And those reactions are only the internal ones.

We feel the weight of our failure externally.

When we believe that we’ve “failed,” we have one of these two reactions:

(1) We shut down. If failure leads to our inner critic having a field day, our ego telling us to get it together, and our identity coming under fire, we’ll take a hard pass on that next hard thing. Step out where others can see and judge us? #thankyoubutnothankyou.

(2) We become hyperactive with distractions. If failure can lead to inactivity, it can also lead to distracting behaviors. When we don’t want to face doing the hard thing, the God-thing, or the new thing, we get carried away doing inconsequential busywork. Distractions feel safe.

But what if we looked at failure a different way? Who told us that not meeting expectations is failure? How does God see us?

What does God say about failure and success?

God’s definition of failure is not our definition. God doesn’t quantify failure as getting fired, closing our business, not doing everything we think a “Good Mom” does, or not reaching a goal. In fact, all the ways we see failure are all the ways God uses to conform us more and more into the image of His Son.

God defines success as being in relationship with Him, knowing Him, and loving Him.

So do you know Him and love Him? Yes? Then success!

But that doesn’t feel like enough does it?

Being known and loved by God, and knowing and loving God in return seem like a consolation prize. But they’re not. Knowing God and loving God are the ultimate success.

How do we shift our thinking about failure?

To shift our mindset, let’s believe that all the things we’re doing – all the opportunities, roles, responsibilities, jobs, and work – aren’t really The Thing. What we do is just a vehicle to become more like Christ. The things we think are The Thing, aren’t The Thing. Being loved and known by God is The Thing.

In Love Lives Here*, Maria Goff writes that success is “being constantly ready to run in the direction of Jesus.” What makes us constantly run in the direction of Jesus?

Failure.

Not knowing the answers.

Not meeting the expectations.

Feeling like The Worst parent ever.

Eating the second helping when you promised you wouldn’t.

Ultimately sweet friends, all our failures are simply opportunities to draw close to Christ. And that is no failure at all.

Failure doesn’t have to define us, try-hard girls.

For the Apollo 13 team, failure was not an option: Gene Krantz’s team had to bring three astronauts home safely to their families.

For us, not meeting expectations isn’t failure. For God, failure means not knowing Him.

Try-hard girl, let’s go in grace and peace knowing that how the world defines failure isn’t what defines us. Worldly failure doesn’t have to shut us down or drive us to distraction. Let’s bring All The Things we think are failures to the feet of Christ so He can remind us just how crazy He is about us and how we are not failures at all.

* The FCC requires that I tell you that I’m an Amazon Affiliate, which means I earn a bit of commission on each sale. But don’t worry there’s no added cost to you!