Am I settling? You’ve asked this of yourself, and if you’re honest, you’ve judged others about it too.
Did I settle for this job because it’s not what I had in mind? Did she settle for that guy just so she could get married? Is he content with his life or did he just give up?
Messages about thankfulness, gratitude, and contentment bombard us this time of year, so while I count my blessings, my brain wonders:
What’s the difference between practicing contentment and simply settling?
I always thought that contentment was code for “giving up,” but I’m learning that’s not true. In fact, if we were to draw a Venn diagram (because I’m a nerd and do this stuff), we’d see that contentment and settling are distinct and separate and there’s common ground in the middle.
But why do we even have to ask this question?
We wouldn’t have to wonder if we were truly content or simply settling if not for these three factors.
1. We desire something more.
Just like Eve was asked by the serpent in the garden, don’t we want just a bit more? I mean, isn’t God holding out?The question of being content wouldn’t come up if we weren’t grasping for what we didn’t have.
2. We feel discomfort and desire ease.
It’s in difficult situations and less-than-ideal circumstances that we ask ourselves if we’re content or settling. Joyful people rarely ask themselves if they’re settling.
3. We live in a world that propels us toward more.
We naturally desire what’s amazing and comfortable. When we don’t live in our ideal house, have the dream job, or live in unmistakable success, we wonder if we didn’t just settle for what was easy.
Contentment and settling can look so much alike that we question if we’ve simply given up on wanting more for ourselves.
On the outside, contentment and settling seem interchangeable. They both involve being in a place or position that we don’t want to be. Both concepts look like resignation, as if the person has given up hope and won’t fight to make things better.
However, contentment and settling are different in four ways.
1. Contentment is learned while settling is innate.
Paul tells us in Philippians 4:11 that he’s learned to be content. God teaches us this skill because it’s not something we do on our own. Settling is simply rolling over without a fight because it’s far easier to avoid our reality than to learn a new skill.
2. Contentment is accepting God’s grace, plan, and sovereignty. Settling is accepting less than God’s will and design.
Theologian J.I. Packer said, “Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God’s hand what He sends because we know that He is good and therefore it is good.” Settling is compromising our values and beliefs to ensure a life of ease.
3. Contentment says, “Thy will be done” while settling sighs, “I’ll take whatever I get.”
Jesus asked His Father to allow the cup to pass, and God’s answer was no. Is this settling because there was no push back or work-around? Doesn’t settling mean a lack of effort? No, Jesus understood His role in God’s will and accepted it. When we accept and obey God’s will, we’re never settling. Also, when we seek to people-please, we often settle. If Jesus had listened to Peter and not gone to the cross, that would’ve been settling. And disobedient.
4. Contentment declares circumstances irrelevant while settling asserts that circumstances are everything.
Paul wrote that, whatever the circumstances, he had learned to be content. His circumstances—want or plenty, full or hungry, health or suffering—did not dictate his thankfulness for what he had or impact his patience for what was to come. With settling, our circumstances control every feeling. If we lack, we’re ungrateful. If we’re hungry, we’re unhappy. If we’re suffering, we’re despairing. Contentment is a state of the heart while settling is a state of affairs.
Contentment and settling are so different. Here’s how to end the struggle of knowing where you stand.
Use these four questions as a tool to determine whether you’re living a life of contentment or settling:
- Is God directing your decisions as you acknowledge Him in every area of your life, or are you going with the flow of circumstance and people-pleasing?
- Are you fighting to be thankful even when it’s hard, or are you escaping the demands of the life God’s called you to because it’s difficult or inconvenient?
- Are you praising God and thanking Him for His faithfulness, or are you apathetic towards Him?
- Do you esteem God’s call for how to live and what to do, or are you compromising your values for ease and comfort?
Every day, we’re able to choose between contentment or settling.
As we’re bombarded with messages about thankfulness, gratitude, and contentment during this time of year, we don’t have to wonder, “Am I settling?” The differences between contentment and settling are so distinct that a little reflection will help us to know immediately.
This Thanksgiving season, may we learn the skill of contentment as we accept God’s grace, do His will, and declare our circumstances irrelevant.
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