Today I went on a run/walk, and while I was walking, I passed a man in his 60s… running. I thought, Hey I ran a 1/2 marathon  a few years ago and here I am walking like a schmuck. For crying out loud, this grandpa is running. I should be running too.

I tell that story not to impress you with my really hard-core power-walking regiment, but because sometimes I think that I am wasting the gifts I have to do something I deem lesser. Three things came to my mind as I passed this elderly running man.

1. If I see someone with a similar gift, I immediately start comparing myself, which leaves me high on shame.

I see Crossfit legs and feel mine jiggle. I hear loving responses to children and notice my sharp tone. I read about promotions and vacations while I sit at home and write on my laptop and do laundry… lots of laundry.

My faulty measuring system compares everything I’m doing to what those around me are doing. I don’t take into account the fact that there are times I should push myself and times I should dial back. I forget that all things aren’t equal, timing is complicated, and others have different talents and opportunities than I do. If I see you doing something I’m not, I believe the solution is to do it too.

All of this comparison shifts my attention to shame and away from the specific work God has called me to.

2. Comparison leads me to make decisions based on fear, and I’m fearful because I don’t want to miss out on what I’m supposed to be doing.

God never, ever guides out of fear. In fact that’s not guidance at all, that’s bullying… and that ain’t how God operates. He lights our path, He doesn’t push us from behind. He enlightens our hearts, He doesn’t beat them into submission.

If God wants you to do something, He’ll make it clear. How do I know this? He made a bush burn. He struck a man blind in the middle of the road. He imprisoned a man only for him to emerge as a palace leader.

God knows how to get your attention so you don’t have to be afraid that you’re going to miss out on what He has for you. As Emily P. Freeman says in Grace for the Good Girl:

If fear is pushing you, love can’t lead you.

3. When I compare myself to others, I have an unclear, faulty view of the Giver that’s not aligned with who He really is.

God loves you. He’s gentle with you. He is the shepherd of easily-scared-off, distrusting sheep. He doesn’t mandate. He leads. God’s ultimate goal is restoration and relationship, to make us whole and to be with us in community.

Achievers, He is the God of the universe and He doesn’t need you to do anything for Him. Instead, He delights to give you a calling that fits your temperament, your talents, and your passions.

God isn’t a micromanager, He is a freedom giver. May we view Him as such.

Comparison is a hard habit to break so the next time you feel overwhelmed by it, retrain your Achiever brain to recognize comparison’s toxic effects by asking yourself the following questions:

  1. Am I only doing this to keep up with others? Or am I doing it because I am passionate about it?
  2. Am I being bullied by fear or led by love?
  3. Do I believe that if I don’t do this thing that God will be disappointed in me? Or do I believe that God rejoices over and takes care of me?

 

These questions should help in cutting through the clutter of whether you’re operating out of comparison or love. Remember the elderly running man? On the way home, I saw him coming back toward me, but this time he was walking. He was a run/walker all along… just like me. Achievers suffer, I mean that literally, from comparison. It hurts us through and through. Let’s Go Rogue from comparison and toward connection.

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