The Bible tells me not to do it, but I just can’t help myself. I do it every day, multiple times a day. It’s almost involuntary like breathing.
I compare.
This topic isn’t new to the blog (The one thing we all do and How comparison leads to shame, fear, and a faulty view of God), but the good news is that we can begin opting out of the comparison game altogether with three game-ending strategies.
But first, it’s important to understand that comparison starts when we’re doing the same work as others and notice different results.
John the Baptist was on the “repent-and-baptize” scene for a while. He had followers upon followers, even disciples. Then Jesus entered stage left in John 3. Jesus started baptizing people in the countryside. As one commentary explains, “John had introduced Jesus to the world, but now Jesus seemed to be drawing John’s followers away from him.”
Our comparison starts this way too. We are doing the same work as someone else: working full-time, parenting, working out, cleaning house, and prepping meals. Then we notice that our work doesn’t seem to be measuring up. As fellow writer Lynn Hughes says, “If she does A + B + C, and we all have the same hours in a day, then what on earth is wrong with me?”
Comparison eventually leads to dehumanization and exaggeration.
I’m sure that John’s followers were complaining out of sympathy and love for him when they said, “Rabbi, that man who was with you on the other side of the Jordan—the one you testified about—look, He is baptizing, and everyone is going to Him.”
The disciples start by saying, “that man” instead of the name of Jesus. Their language takes out the personal and replaces it with a generic descriptors. John’s disciples are so jealous they can’t even say Jesus’ name.
They also end with an exaggeration: “everyone is going to Him.” Okay, I wasn’t there, although my 7 year-old did ask me the other day if I was alive 1,000 years ago, but I digress. I’m guessing that “everyone” is not accurate since John was still baptizing people. We know this because it says in John 3:23, “Now John also was baptizing at Aenon near Salim, because there was plenty of water, and people were coming and being baptized.”
When we compare, we dehumanize those we are comparing ourselves to and we exaggerate their accomplishments. Have you ever said something like, Well, she always looks fabulous or You know her, never a hair out of place? We can’t even bring ourselves to say the name of our perceived competitor. Then we toss around exaggerations like “always” and “never.”
So, how do we end this game?
1. Comparison ends when we understand that what we have is from God.
John doesn’t get drawn into the envy and comparison game his disciples are trying to play. We can learn from what he says in verse 27: “A person can receive only what is given them from heaven. You yourselves can testify that I said, ‘I am not the Messiah but am sent ahead of Him.’”
We don’t need to compare when we understand that God has given us what we have, just as God has given to others what they have. Artist and writer Ruth Chou Simons writes, “So much of becoming who our Creator made us to be begins when we recognize that all that we have is given not gotten.” John understood that God made him to be the one who was clearing the way for Jesus to spread His message. John was given that role; there was nothing about it that he earned. What have you been given?
2. Comparison ends when we understand that He’s the main attraction.
John knew that he was the opening act to Jesus’ main attraction. In John 3:30 John says something that I struggle with everyday, “He must become greater; I must become less.”
God has something specific for us to do. His plans for us always involve loving Him, loving others, and glorifying Him. I love what the Bible Study Fellowship commentary says, “Ask for grace to be faithful in ‘little things,’ and He will put you in the place where you can best express the gifts He has given you.”
3. Comparison ends when we understand that God provides for different people in different ways.
Throughout our history, God has provided for and interacted with different people in different ways who are in similar situations,
God appeared to Moses in shrubbery but revealed Himself to Elijah as a still small voice. God gave the Israelites manna and the Jews living water. When Lazarus died, Jesus spoke with Martha to grow her faith, but He simply cried with Mary. Why does He have different responses to different people? Timothy Keller explains it this way, “Different hearts need different things from the richness of God’s glory.”
Our lives are about Him—they’re not about us and what we have (or don’t). The comparison game is one that we don’t have to play. It has a clear start that we can nip in the bud. It leads us to places we never thought we’d go. But it’s in our power to stop playing. Comparing doesn’t have to come so involuntarily. I can choose to be a part, and I am sitting this game out.
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Nice nice job! I would applaud you if anyone could hear me and it wasn’t, well…weird. You really pinpointed the essence of the struggle – we so often forget that what we have is not ours and that God speaks to us all differently. So many times I forget this is not the “Karin show” and thank the Lord its not. Evaluating ourselves by others’ standards is so dangerous as it only leads to bondage. But, remembering He is my only standard gives immense freedom. Thank you for this post!
Thank you Karin! On one hand, I want the Jill/Karin show, and on the other, I am so thankful that it’s not. You are so right.
Great post! I’ve also noticed that comparison starts when we lose sight of what it means to be successful in God’s eyes. As a blogger and writer, this is especially easy to do when I don’t have the big numbers for the same amount of effort that other people get. The truth is, as long as I’m reaching people with God’s word then I AM successful.
Sister, you are speaking my language! I totally get it. I pray almost every day, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.” And then I have to remember that He may not send me further than I already am. And that’s part of His protection and kindness.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS! I just wrote something similar, but I love the way you used the Scripture here and the thoughts you developed. I’m sharing this everywhere I can, haha. Thanks so much for this great post!
Bethany, thank you so much! Comparison is a game that’s been around for a long time, but the good news is that we can end it!
Great thoughts. So true, the point about how comparison leads to dehumanization and exaggeration. This is something we all struggle with and I needed a reminder. It seems we either compare and the other person comes out winning and us the loser, or we compare and we are the winners and they are the losers. Both are unrealistic and don’t take in the whole person or situation.
Yes!!! Oh preach Theresa!