In a nutshell, Enneagram Ones seek to be good and do good to avoid shame + blame and to prove worth. You reflect the glory and perfection of God. You tend to be reliable, responsible, honest, conscientious, hard-working, diligent, practical thrifty, and analytical. Ones want to follow the rules, improve yourself and the world, be correct, and avoid blame. You focus attention on noticing errors and imperfections so you can correct them. You crave the security of ritual, routine, and rules. Others may perceive Ones as rigid, critical, judgmental, and inflexible. Your super-power? Dedication to bringing your ideals to life.
You can also grab this free resource about what the Enneagram is, what it isn’t, and what you want to know about your personality type. Your Quick Start Guide to the Enneagram walks you through how to determine your type, what’s up with wings, and Enneagram resources you’ll want to check out.
Please know that I’m not an Enneagram expert, merely a lover of it. What I present to you is based on my own research, feedback from men and women of each type, and peer review. If you learn better through audio, take a listen to this Grace In Real Life podcast episode with Enneagram One Esther Littlefield.
All Things One
Here’s the basic foundation you need to understand about yourself or about the Ones in your life. In this post, we cover what arouses anger in a One, books for spiritual growth, what causes you stress at Christmas, your biggest fear, gift ideas, goal-setting, parenting, and what the pandemic of 2020 has been like for you.
What Ones believe
Whatever it is (work, yourself, the world) is imperfect and must be improved. You believe it’s bad to make mistakes and bad behavior should be punished. You find that “good enough” = perfect. You can and should be doing better even if you’re doing your best. Work must come before play. If things aren’t perfect, bad things will happen. And your unshakable belief is that you are always right.
Where Ones struggle
Ones struggle with being wrong or “bad” or feeling emotions deemed “bad.” You struggle to take criticism, even sincere feedback is hard to hear because your Inner Critic is already beating you up.. You struggle with accepting the reality that you can’t be perfect so you get angry and resentful.
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What makes you angry
Nothing riles you up more than people who don’t do their part. For real, how hard is it to communicate expectations, pull your own weight, and follow the rules? As a Type One, you’re especially sensitive to injustice, a lack of control, inefficiency, people “getting away” with poor choices/irresponsibility, and last-minute changes.
A fellow Type One said, “There’s a deep sense within me that if everyone just did their part, we could have an efficient and happy world.” Because your type reflects God’s goodness and righteousness, you get angry because not all is right with the world, your plans, or your people.
What’s behind your anger
Because Type Ones are in the Body Center, you are concerned with having and maintaining control and power. While other types may react to situations because of fear or shame, your type often feels anger (even if you think you don’t because it means you’re not perfect). You become frustrated because God’s perfection and completion are wired into you, yet you can’t make that happen here on earth.
How you express your anger
You start out suppressing your anger, which evolves into resentment then seething then exploding. After you get angry, you may get mad at yourself for not being perfect because you shared your frustration. You may even feel like you need to apologize that you got angry because it shows that even you – the perfectionist – aren’t always pleasing to others.
Your anger takes the form of yelling, excruciating “nitpickiness,” judgmental facial expressions, a self-righteous attitude, and/or passive-aggressive behavior. You are also very likely to carry your anger in your shoulders, neck, and back.
How to process your anger in a God-centered way
1. Bring your anger to God – He’s not surprised by it, won’t condemn you for it, and will walk with you through it.
2. It’s hard for your type when things don’t go how you planned. As an antidote to this frustration, spend some time in stillness – not doing, perfecting, fixing, planning, or spinning. Just sit still in the presence of Christ and allow Him to remind you how much He loves you. For practical strategies on how to do this, pick up a copy of Made Like Martha by Katie M. Reid.
3. Journal your angry thoughts or talk through your anger with a neutral third party.
“Essentialism
is Greg McKeown’s book describing “the disciplined pursuit of less.” This book is a soothing balm for my Type One, perfectionistic heart. You don’t have to do all the things perfectly – you don’t even have to do them! McKeown encourages Type 1s to focus on the thing that’s most important, do it well, and let go of the rest.”- Megan Ericson of meganericson.com
“The Confident Woman
by Anabel Gillham speaks directly to the Enneagram One. It’s an excellent message for the one who doesn’t realize that she believes that perfection is the road to being loved. This book is for those of us who melt on the inside the moment we don’t live up to our own expectations or the expectations we perceive others have for us. Gillham shows the Enneagram 1 woman how to utilize truth in our lives in order to rest in our identity as beloved daughters of God instead of slaves to striving.” – Kathy Schwanke of kathyschwanke.com
“As an Enneagram One, I often strive so hard for perfection that I take way too much on my plate, then I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed
by Kathi Lipp and Cheri Gregory has given me better understanding of my perfectionistic tendencies, plus practical tips on managing my responsibilities. I am thankful for their help in planning my week, taking better care of myself and learning to relax.” – Sarah Geringer of sarahgeringer.com
Your goal for Christmas is for everything to go as you’ve planned.
How you came to that goal: As a Type One, you set very high standards although you wouldn’t necessarily label them as “high.” You just can’t imagine things going any other way than how you’ve envisioned.
What happens when you work to reach your goal: Type Ones want every event, meal, and gift to go well and be well received. When this doesn’t happen, you may grow frustrated, resentful, and bitter at yourself (for not meeting your own standards) and others (for their lack of appreciation). When others try to change plans or don’t go along with your ideas of how things should work, i.e. your very specific and organized plan to open presents, you may withdraw, sulk or get frustrated. You may also find yourself irritated when people don’t appreciate your efforts, but you’ll never show your irritation because it wouldn’t be the “right” thing to do.
Three ways to have a healthy Christmas:
1. Ask your friend Jesus to help you set realistic goals for yourself and others. He knows how much time, money, and emotional energy you have to spend.
2. Remember it’s okay to release your agenda of how Christmas “should” be. Ask those in your family what they’d like to experience and how they’d like to feel this Christmas. Their answers and the peace you experience of letting go of your expectations may surprise you.
3. Give yourself grace. You put so much pressure on yourself to keep all the plates spilling and all the people happy. Be kind to you and take time to enjoy who and what is right in front of you.
BONUS: Check out the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown. You can also work through this free download to create a more joyful Christmas.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type One? Check out the sites of these fellow Type Ones and reviewers of this portion: Megan Ericson, Ally Castaldo, and Esther Littlefield.
What Type Ones Fear: Your underlying fear is imperfection. From this root, spring fears of being accused, misinterpreted, corrected, blamed, and not meeting others’ expectations. It also worries you if your physical space is messy, if expectations are unclear, and if there’s a lack of quality in any area. Deep down, you simply want to be good and balanced.
Why You Fear: Somewhere along the way you picked up the message that you must be better than you are. You’re an idealist at heart so you believe that anything that’s flawed can, and should, be fixed, including you.
How Your Fear Manifests Itself: More than any other type, your inner critic won’t be quiet about all you’ve done wrong or how you should defend yourself because you’re right. You may become angry with yourself, others, or an imperfect situation. Type Ones may grow resentful and exhausted because you’re trying to fix things and others don’t recognize or appreciate what you’re doing.
How to Work Through the Fear:
1. Remember the truth that you are loved exactly for who you are, as you are, right this very minute. God is absolutely crazy about you, and no condemnation is found in Christ!
2. Practice stillness. Stillness will help you loosen your grip on doing so you can simply be with God. This practice will help you let go of your addiction to be doing something good or making yourself better. Resting in stillness gives you permission to take a break from all of the inner frustration, exhaustion, and resentment. It may feel impossible, but the freedom found in stillness will liberate your soul.
3. Play! It’s okay to not always be a responsible adult. Seriously. Go have some fun sweet friend!
**Would you like a free printable of these three spiritual practices? Just go here.**
Gift Philosophy: You love finding meaningful gifts for others, but surprises stress you out.
Gifts are a great way for you to show others your love by giving them something meaningful and specific to them. While you love giving gifts, you don’t typically enjoy receiving gifts.
As a gift-giver, you keep track of what others have mentioned they’d like throughout the year. However, you grow anxious as you try to think of the perfect gift for everyone on your list so you throw in the towel and decide to give everyone an impersonal gift card. You also do your best to spend the same amount or buy the same number of presents for family members so no one feels left out.
As a gift-receiver, you hope that you receive a gift based on a hint you’ve dropped during the previous 12 months. Overall, receiving gifts is hard for you. Why? Several reasons:
- Unanticipated, surprise gifts add stress to your life,
- The gift you received may not have been exactly what you hoped for,
- And you don’t like the perceived pressure to react a certain way.
Gift ideas for every Enneagram Type One: “Get me something practical that I specifically mentioned.”
You love practical gifts that also show the gift-giver knows and notices you. For example, if you collect snowmen and love to cook, a snowman potholder will tickle you pink.
One-approved gift ideas include:
- Books. For spiritual growth books, go here. For parenting books, go here.
- A planner that he’s specifically picked and given the direct URL so you can get it for him.
- Gift cards for practicals such as gas, car washes, or groceries.
- Gift cards for splurges, which your One desperately wants but will never pay for herself because they seem impractical. Items in the splurge category include facials, massages, pedicure, or housecleaner.
No-No’s for those buying a One a gift:
- Knick-knacks or items that cause clutter or disorganization.
- Gag gifts that are meant to be silly, but hurt your One’s heart instead.
- Gift sets. Come on people, get to know your One! Plus, a gift set seems wasteful because she may only like one or two items in the entire gift basket.
- Items he’s made clear to you he won’t use or need because he hates the idea of you wasting money when those resources could go to a better cause.
How do you view goals? More than any other type, Reformers are all about goal setting. Like a moth drawn to a flame, you just can’t help yourself from planning and setting goals.
Do you set goals? Yes! Your goals vacillate between lofty and lowly. You feel lost without goals and checklists.
How do you accomplish your goals? Reformers tend to exhaustively work toward goals, partially because you only trust yourself to do it “right.” Failure and imperfection aren’t options, so you tend to take on too much. And when you don’t know how to achieve your goals perfectly, you tend to feel paralyzed.
How do goals make you feel? As writer Kelly Shank says, “Goals are my best friend and nemesis.” When you reach a goal, you feel amazing. When you don’t, you tell yourself what a complete failure you are as disappointment creeps in. Achieving goals is very much tied to your self worth and sense of control.
Healthy habits for the Reformer:
- Know that, sometimes, you might feel like an awkward, fumbling rookie, but that’s normal and 100% okay.
- Set reasonable goals so that your inner critic doesn’t constantly chirp in your ear.
- Write an anti-SMART ( a non- specific – measurable – attainable – relevant – timely) goal: make it more about the desired result than about the specifics.
- Practice failing. Allow yourself to complete tasks in a way that’s imperfect so you can accept the grace that, even in failure, you’re wholly loved and accepted by Christ.
- Remember that Jesus showers you with compassion and mercy.
Is it okay to say that you find this season a bit challenging? You feel incapacitated and unable to help.
Here are all the ways that Ones feel out of control:
- You have no control over whether others follow the rules and best practices put in place like social distancing and wearing a mask.
- You’re not in charge of where you go or what you do. Much of what you want to do is closed.
- You feel as if you’re doing nothing well because you didn’t have time to plan and recalibrate for a change you didn’t initiate.
To cope, you typically resort to rules and routines, but that rug feels like it’s been pulled out from under you. In your anger and frustration, you may be overly scheduling and color-coding any bit of daily life. And you’re probably on your 17th schedule by now!
This is also a time for growth. You may — emphasis on may — now have more time to do what you typically neglect: play, be silly, have fun with your family.
God can use this time to strip you of some of your busyness so you can slow down and realize how much you enjoy this slower pace and how truly special your people are.
Where You Shine in Parenting
As a mama, you’re organized, consistent, and fair. You constantly learn about your child and take note of where he or she struggles. You also aren’t complacent in your parenting. You’ll track down books, resources, and experts to help you improve your parenting.
Where You Struggle in Parenting
You struggle with unrealistic expectations (of yourself and others) as well as guilt that you aren’t doing “enough.” Because you want everything to be just right, out-of-place items, clutter, or a day gone sideways drive you to crazy town. To handle the external (and internal) chaos, you cling to rules as a security blanket, desperately trying to control your circumstances and the behavior of others. Fun and spontaneity don’t come easily to Ones because you’re unsure what purpose they serve or how they might “mess up” your day.
Healthy Habits
- Sweet One Mama, you know lots of things and know how to do them well, but you don’t know All The Things. It’s important to cling to the One who knows all instead of leaning on your own understanding. God alone is omniscient and He will guide you even better than your own best practices (Proverbs 3:5-8).
- Take 10 minutes each day for fun and play with your kids. Take a walk around the block, host a dance party in the living room, or play basketball in the driveway. I promise the work will get done and the 10 minutes will be amazing!
- Ask God to show you moments to celebrate what your kids have done, even when it’s not up to your standards or how you would have done it.
