#93: Navigating family dynamics during the holidays with Licensed Professional Counselor Wendy Barnes [Holiday Series]

Whether you’re an empty nester or a newlywed; whether you’re a mom or littles or teens; or whether you’re a single adult going home for the holidays, this episode is for you because we break down how to love people well and navigate family dynamics into four different categories:

How to navigate differences
What to do when you feel unsafe
How to hold hard conversations well
And making plans with love.

In this interview, Wendy gives guidance about:

How to navigate conversations about gift-giving when families have different budgets and mindsets about gifts,
What grace looks like when your family is unkind
How to start hard conversations when you know the other party won’t like your answer
And how to balance family personalities, when one side plans way ahead and the other makes last-minute plans.

Remember that Wendy is offering general advice that isn’t specific to your family or situation, so if you’d like further clarification or support, please seek out wise Christian counseling.

Question breakdown by timing:

15:05: How do we navigate conversations about gift-giving and budgets?
18:25: How do we handle it when a distant, older family member gives the opposite parenting instruction then we might give at a family gathering?
21:05: What do we do when Uncle Buster goes off on his latest political beliefs; ones we do not hold?
25:51: What does grace look like during the holidays when family members are unkind toward us and we don’t feel safe around them?
37:50: When a member of our family is navigating a hard situation but she doesn’t talk about it, should we bring it up if only to say we’re here to love and serve OR do we keep quiet until that family member brings it up?
42:30: What do you do when a family member monopolizes and dominates a conversation?
45:55: What do you do when a family member tells us all our faults?
54:25: How can we say “no” to an event that feels life-draining to us, but is super-important to the host?
59:50: How do we handle balancing both families: one side of the family plans months in advance while the other side does not?
1:03:45: For empty-nesters who want to spend time with their adult kids, but those kids make plans at the last minute, and the last-minute-ness stresses them out, how can they approach their adult kids in love?

Key Quotes

“Christmas is a challenge because we are supposed to pause from our work, and instead, we find there is more work.” – Licensed Professional Counselor Wendy Barnes
“We must, as Christ-followers, make sure we are creating time and space for ourselves to be refreshed in His love for us.” – Licensed Professional Counselor Wendy Barnes
“It’s okay to assert our own preferences.” – Licensed Professional Counselor Wendy Barnes
“We don’t need to succumb to the preferences of a distant relative at the Christmas table.” – Licensed Professional Counselor Wendy Barnes
“Move beyond self-preservation.” – Licensed Professional Counselor Wendy Barnes
“Run to the Lord with your feelings and receive His validation.” – Licensed Professional Counselor Wendy Barnes
“It requires two reasonable people to be able to have constructive conflict.” – Licensed Professional Counselor Wendy Barnes
“Can we meet grief with more compassion, love, and understanding, and not be offended?” – Licensed Professional Counselor Wendy Barnes
“We don’t take offense because we allow it to fall on Jesus.” – Licensed Professional Counselor Wendy Barnes
“Determine for yourself how you will keep your peace.” – Licensed Professional Counselor Wendy Barnes

Mentioned in the Podcast

The FCC requires that I tell you that I’m an Amazon Affiliate, which means I earn a bit of commission on each sale. But don’t worry there’s no added cost to you!

About Wendy Barnes

Wendy is Jesus lover, a wife of 22 years, mom of three (including 2 adult children and a middle schooler), and a licensed professional counselor of 20 years.

She works with teens and adults, and is passionate about people walking in the fullness of freedom Jesus purchased with his life. She enjoys family time, plants, reading, and bargain shopping.