Our kids fear missing out when they don’t have social media, aren’t invited to certain social activities, don’t have our permission to date, aren’t allowed to watch movies, and can’t go to slumber parties, and so on and so on forever. 

On the other hand, moms fear that our kids will miss out but on different phases of life: we may want them to say “yes” to every invitation, volunteer opportunity, or resume builder. Fear and parenting seem to go hand-in-hand. The good news is that it doesn’t need to be this way. 

In this episode, we talk through:

  • The fears of missing out that our kids hold
  • The fears of missing out that we mamas hold 
  • God-centered questions to help us process through this fear
  • What opportunities these fears give us
  • And what we hope our kids never miss out on.

What our kids fear missing out on:

  • not having social media and the DMs and social interaction it offers
  • having social media, but seeing in real-time what everyone else is doing ALL the time, so they know the minute they are not included.
  • not being allowed to date when “all” of their friends seem to be in a relationship and going out with their boyfriends on the weekends while our daughters stay at home
  • not having permission to watch certain movies or shows or video games
  • And our saying “no” to the slumber party because we don’t know that set of parents or what’s permitted in their house. 

What we mamas fear our kids will miss out:

  • on church activities and birthday parties our kids are invited to because: What if today’s “no” means being missing out tomorrow or next year? Or what if our kiddos can’t joke around about that awesome thing that happened at the party because they opted out?
  • by not participating in sports. We haven’t signed them up because they don’t like sports, but what are they missing by not being a part of a team? Or being able to talk about “last night’s game” because they weren’t there?
  • on success. We fear their failure, if they don’t get the best grades, or join the right groups, or do the volunteer work that we know colleges look on favorably. What if our child has no interest in being a part of the National Honor Society or volunteering at the animal shelter, but we KNOW that these are exactly the resume builders colleges expect? 

So what is true?

  • Truth #1: God wired community and a desire to be with others into our DNA.
  • Truth #2: God doesn’t want anyone excluded either.
  • Truth #3: God invites His people to live a set-apart life.

Two God-centered questions to process the fear

  1. “What is the driving factor here?”
  2. Emily P. Freeman often poses this question: “Am I being led by love or bullied by fear?”

If we fear that our kids will miss out, may it be missing out on the love and journey the Lord specifically picked out for them.

Key Quotes

  • We fear that if our kids fail, we’ve failed too.
  • The set-apart, sanctified life is a conspicuous, easily-ridiculed, not-always-invited kinda life, which can be hard for a mama to watch and hard for your children to live.
  • If we fear that our kids will miss out, may it be missing out on the love and journey the Lord specifically picked out for them.
  • What does leaning into love for your child, in this moment, at this stage of life look like?
  • When we live a Spirit-led life, we may only know our next step, but when we lean into love, one step is all we need. 
  • Our child’s struggles are a part of their story that God wants to use for their good and His glory.

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