#63: 3 reasons you have a hard time receiving grace

I’m guessing that you sing about grace, post about grace on Instagram, and love the idea of grace. And yet… grace feels elusive.

Like maybe grace is for others, but never for you, or it’s a concept that could never become a reality. Like it’s a cruel joke that promises a peace that’s just out of reach, or it’s just a patronizing, condescending way to make you feel better because you couldn’t get it right the first time.

If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re in the right place.

I want to give you permission and space to stop thinking about grace in that way. In this episode, we unpack the three reasons you may have a hard time receiving grace for yourself.

You’ll learn the three reasons you may reject grace and practical strategies on how to move forward in receiving grace instead of staying stuck.

Y’all… I’m going to level with you here. This is the most revealing episode I’ve recorded because I get into the nitty-gritty struggles of my rejection of grace, and how I came to receive it for myself.

One: Grace feels like an excuse for imperfection or poor performance

Try-hard girls are accustomed to being outwardly all-together and being such high performers that the idea of accepting the grace God gives feels blasphemous. Grace is given to those who can’t hack it. It’s a consolation prize for those who fail.

We believe God cares more about our performance and all the awesome things we’re doing in His name than He cares about our hearts.

We reject grace because we feel like Jesus did His final work on the cross and it’s up to us to conjure up faith, good works, and the energy to tackle our overwhelming to-do lists.

We reject grace because it means we’ve failed, and failure is not an option for the try-hard girl so we resolve to clamp down and do better tomorrow.

Some practical grace-grabbing strategies:

Ask Him when your desire to be perfect or do things perfectly started.
Ask Him how He sees you and how He feels about you.
Renounce the lies of perfectionism and performance-based love.
Receive the truth that God shares with you.

Two: Grace feels like a free pass to Lazytown; that it’s really a sneaky way to say “I can’t meet expectations.”

Grace feels unnecessary because we are not quitters or whiners. We meet expectations. We plan well. We’re organized. Grace is for those who can’t figure it out.

This belief reveals a secondary belief: Our faith is based on what we do for Jesus and how well we can juggle our roles, which means we’re acknowledged for our hard work, people like us, and not a hair is out of place.

It’s almost as if we believe God is unnecessary — y’all I cannot believe I’m saying this, but I’ve lived as if this were true. We believe we’re self-sufficient, that God gave us my marching orders in the Bible and it’s up to us to do All The Things alone.

Some practical grace-grabbing strategies:

Repenting of our pride. We are not self-sufficient. We do need help. We are not the super-humans we wish ourselves to be. We need Jesus.
Then let’s be compassionate with ourselves as we understand that pride is our way of protecting our hearts of the unworthiness we feel. We want to be loved and seen and valued and we’ve told ourselves the best way to achieve that is to do a whole lotta stuff. The only way to do everything on our plate is to construct a facade that lets us barrel through life, discarding feelings, wounds, and dreams.
Finally, ask Jesus who He says you are.

Three: Grace seems like it’s God’s gift for others but not for you.

For years, I’ve been on a constant quest for Enough-ness, wondering if I’m Less Than, wanting the secret sauce that others have. We reject grace simply because we believe it’s not ours for the taking.

In this line of thought, we feel hungry and dissatisfied: we want what others have and feel the longing in our hearts.

Some practical grace-grabbing strategies:

Read stories that showcase God lavishing His grace on undeserving people. So basically, you can pick any book of the Bible for this one.
Keep a journal of God’s kindness, goodness and mercy to you. Start this simple practice by reflecting on today: Where did you experience God today? In what areas was God at work in your life today?
When you read in His word or hear a truth about yourself from God, don’t wave it off. Let it sink in. When God tells you, you’re beloved, make the conscious choice to say, “Yes, I agree with you.”

If you leave with nothing else today, may it be this truth:

Grace is yours for the taking.

It was created for you.

You are God’s favorite girl, and He cannot wait for you to receive what He so freely offers.

Key Quotes

We reject grace for one of these three reasons: 1. We see it as a consolation prize for those who fail, 2. We believe it’s reserved for those who can’t figure it out, 3. We constantly compare ourselves to others and deem ourselves unworthy of grace.
God will reveal to you what needs to be revealed when it’s synchronized with His divine timetable in offering what is best for you.
Comparison is killing us, Try-Hard Girls.
Pride is a try-hard girl’s way of protecting her heart from the unworthiness she feels.
When we reject grace, we worry less about enjoying the sweet gifts God’s given and we focus more on failure-avoidance.